KSK Not Mock Draft: Hangover Cures

03.15.13 5 years ago 109 Comments

All of us here at KSK enjoy the drink in its various forms. Occasionally we enjoy it to excess, or in unfortunate combinations that result in debilitating hangovers. Seeing as how everyone has their own hangover cure, and all of us find ourselves in need from time to time, it made sense to hold a mock draft on the topic. However, we soon realized that it wouldn’t work. There would be too much overlap, and too many multi-component cures to make it work. So instead we will each offer up our own hangover cure, then open things up to the commenters.


The Caveman Jerk Off and Brunch Method With Bonus Egg Cream


My ideal cure: Wake up, pint of water, 800 mg Motrin, masturbate, go back to bed for two more hours of sleep, then bacon, eggs, copious coffee, and a bloody mary. PRE-BRUNCH WILD CARD: a chocolate egg cream, if you can find a place that serves one. It’s light, sweet, and bubbly without the cloying heaviness of mass-market soda.

Old Man Drew’s Old Man Remedy

Lets face it. Pretty much all you need is Advil and shitloads of water. The rest is just a cheap excuse to eat home fries.

Flubby’s Slightly Different Old School Approach


Yeah, four ibuprofen and a flagon of Gatorade is all I need.

Sarah’s Old-Timey Feel Good Cure


There is something to be said for the greasy, salty food that will help you retain all that water. High cholesterol foods like eggs supposedly help out the liver which has been working all night on the breaking down the alcohol and protein breaks down into amino acids which also help clear out some of the cobwebs.

Not to mention just water and ibuprofen on a stomach with a wrecked stomach lining is just asking for an ulcer or at least feeling even worse. You need the fat to buffer it some.

The Unsilent Kind of Like Caveman’s Method But Different Cure


Drink a bottle of Pedialyte with two or three over the counter pain killers as soon as you wake up. Go to the nearest brunch place you can find, and order a bloody mary, followed by a short stack with two eggs over easy with a side of bacon. Go home and take a nap. Wake up and smoke pot if your wife will let you. Take another nap. You weren’t going to do anything that day anyway, right? Good. Cap it all off with a nice steak. You earned it.

Ape’s Overly Active Cure

Down a coconut water and consume some sort of starch, a bagel if it’s available. Go run for three or four miles. It sucks at first, but by the end, you’ve sweated everything out and feel significantly, if not entirely, better. Not advisable if you’re not one of those annoying people who runs regularly.

Add your cures in the comments.

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