Do you have an “optional” office party you are required to attend? And are you expected to bring a high-larious gift somewhere in the five to fifty dollar range? You could go with the obvious “as seen on TV” stuff everyone’s bringing or make a disappointing impulse buy at the dollar store, but we’d like to suggest some items your coworkers might actually be surprised to receive.
You could get a cubicle-dwelling coworker a $12 inflatable window to remind them of the existential hellscape their work life has become. ‘Tis the season.
These “Medieval Weapons Pushpins” will let coworkers take out their aggressions on that cork board full of annoying, buzzword-filled memos. Includes two each of a sabre, single-handed sword, broadsword, katana, and axe for $10.
For the never nude coworker who loves Arrested Development, you could splurge on a $48 pair of jean shorts underwear imported from Japan.
If your coworkers have a slightly morbid sense of humor, My First Dictionary — based on the website of the same name — includes 192 pages of twisted word definitions based on 1950’s clipart. $10.19 at Amazon.
The USB HubDog ($10) connects four USB 2.0 ports to one USB port, so your coworker can steal four times as much sensitive information to sell to competitors.
Tetris Sticky Notes make those meeting reminders slightly less soul-killing by reminding you of that time you couldn’t get the long piece. That was worse than a productivity-killing “productivity meeting”, but you overcame that, right? Set of 8 pads for £7.50 (~$12 USD) plus shipping.
The “Know It All Pencil Set” ($10) is for the coworker who still uses pencils.
Cajun Boy already introduced us to this Cat DJ Scratching Deck, and now your coworker’s cat can also scratch out some phat beats like DJ Kitty. $23 from suck.uk.
Finally, your coworker’s dog can sleep on a bed of delicious vegetables.
Pizza healthy school lunch Dog Bed, $25 at Puprwear.
Why not take that extra step to make your TPS reports pop with class and have top-of-the-line no-joke excellence? Now you can with a $12 Troll Face hand-carved stamp. Also available in a $30 value 3-pack with Rage Face and Me Gusta.
For the all-purpose WTF gift, there’s bacon and cupcake flavored toothpaste, thankfully not in the same tube. $4.50 each here and here.
Hank Green’s 2D-Glasses are a real product that actually exists. These glasses turn a 3D movie back into a headache-free 2D movie and are possibly a sign of the apocalypse. $10 shipped via Amazon.
If you’ve got a co-worker who’s paranoid about leaving their stuff in the office fridge, get them a $20 Fridge Locker. Then wait for them to fill it with food. Then steal it. Should have bolted it down, sucker.
I just want you to be aware this exists.