Making Your Own Gronk-Tini

10.22.13 4 years ago 39 Comments

Gronktini 1

On November 11, none other than the newly-healed Rob Gronkowski will be hosting a “Football 101” clinic for women at Harvard University in Boston. Not sure if Gronk avoided Radcliffe for a reason or if he is not welcome at the Radcliffe campus, but Harvard it is, a place where all women are treated equally and free to learn about football. During the event women will learn about football from Gronk, interact with Gronk, get a Gronk t-shirt, get Gronk’s autograph and get their photo taken with Gronk.

Did we mention the event was 21 and up only and there will be beer, wine and Gronk-tinis?

So what goes into a Gronk-Tini? Well, here is my best guess, and yes, I drank the whole thing which explains my more-than-usual number of grammatical errors in this post.

Gronktini 2

You will need:

1/4 ounce Jägermeister
1/4 ounce Hennessy cognac
1/4 ounce Goldschälger
1/4 ounce Midori
1/4 ounce Malibu
1/2 ounce Stoli Chocolat Kokonut
1/2 ounce Stoli Hot
1/2 ounce mezcal
1/2 ounce lemon juice
2-3 dashes of Tapatio
1-2 Percocets (may substitute generic)
Whipped cream
Lemon wedge
Cologne of choice
Thank-you gift

Spray the air with cologne and then crush 1 or 2 Percocets on a dish. Run the lemon wedge along the edge of the glass and rim the edge of the drink with the oxycodone.

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice and then fill with all of the liquid ingredients. Gronk like you just lost the Super Bowl. Strain into the prepped glass and top with whipped cream.

Give the drink to your date. Wait 30 minutes. After 10 minutes longer, give your date her departing thank-you gift.

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