Besides paying good money to see Spider-Man 3, what’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done? I heard a good one last night. A woman had been dating this guy, Chance, for a few months when she finally met his family. They kept calling him “Chase,” which confused his girlfriend. So she asked, why is everyone pronouncing your name as Chase? He replied, well, there are multiple ways to enunciate it; it’s a “vase” or “tomato” situation. He was covering her ass, so to speak: She had been saying it wrong the whole time, but he didn’t want to correct her. They broke up soon after.
Responding to someone asking “how are you?” with “no problem” is slightly embarrassing; mistaking the name of your lover of four months is mortifying. A few days ago, Jenny Lawson, the New York Times bestselling author who goes by the Bloggess, tweeted the following, “Airport cashier: ‘Have a safe flight.’ Me: ‘You, too!’ I CAN NEVER COME HERE AGAIN.” Yup, been there.
Ever since, her followers have been responding with their most awkward moments, none of which have anything to do with that awkward movie. Though “starring in…” might be Michael B. Jordan’s answer.
@TheBloggess The handsomest man I've ever seen once sat down next to me & said "Hi." I responded with "I'm eating a tootsie roll." He left.
— Daize 🧙♀️ (@Daize_Plays) November 1, 2015
https://twitter.com/CardinalBiggles/status/660942602640855040
@TheBloggess I once yelled to my mom in the grocery "Hey Mom, you like the taste of anus don't you?" I meant to say "anise."
— Nicole (@Nicole_ZBS) November 2, 2015
https://twitter.com/ohthisawkward/status/660986845921042432
@TheBloggess noticed the blind man approaching me wasn't sure where I was so called out 'on your right', I was on his left. He corrected me.
— disillusioned torontonian (@tanyaphillips18) November 1, 2015
https://twitter.com/noahvail/status/660980546298744832
@TheBloggess Thought I was stuck in elevator -Security came to get me out & I realized it wasn't moving b/c I never pressed any floor button
— beccarobinson (@beccarobinson) November 2, 2015
https://twitter.com/alliespins/status/661031747065245696
https://twitter.com/onlymystory/status/661001854717792256
@TheBloggess The guy I like tried to give me a high five and I forgot what a high five was and just held his hand in confusion.
— 🏳️🌈 Kat 🏳️🌈 (She/Her) (@cosmickitten22) November 2, 2015
@TheBloggess Got stopped for speeding. Accidentally pulled (clean) spare panties out of purse while getting wallet. Received verbal warning.
— Tymber Dalton / Lesli Richardson (@TymberDalton) November 1, 2015
https://twitter.com/crashkrispy/status/660957141692506113
@TheBloggess Sandwich shop cashier: "What's your name?" Me: "Oh, uh, I have a boyfriend." Cashier: "For the sandwich."
— Kate Darling (@grok_) November 2, 2015
@TheBloggess mistook the man limping towards me for someone i knew.
"my god! what happened to you?"
"i had polio as a child."i ran away.
— lucy snowe (@lucyundersnowe) November 1, 2015
@TheBloggess I finished a technical email to my managers saying "Please tell me if you need me to explain. Retards" I meant to say "Regards"
— Cʜᴇᴘᴇ Cᴇɴᴛʀᴏ (@Chepe_Centro) November 2, 2015
@TheBloggess Walked up to a baby-holding stranger (thinking it was my sister) at my daughter's soccer game and said "Give me the baby." 😳
— hkell (@hkell) November 1, 2015
@TheBloggess At a booksigning, someone told me it was their birthday.
"I hope you get cake," I said, then signed their book:
"To Cake,"
— Pat Rothfuss (@PatrickRothfuss) November 2, 2015
https://twitter.com/parentlikeadad/status/660959811509444608
https://twitter.com/angebassa/status/660874454919192576
https://twitter.com/laurakcurtis/status/660959733130620929