Now We Get To Learn Which Play Simmons Will Call The Next Luckiest In Sports History

01.22.12 6 years ago 107 Comments

At long last, New York and Boston gets to settle an overblown regional rivalry through the medium of professional sports. It must be very cathartic to finally get that opportunity.

Did you know that Week 9 against the Giants was the last game that the Patriots lost?

Were you aware that that very game ended with Eli Manning throwing a touchdown pass to Jake Ballard, who wears the same jersey number that David Tyree wore as a Giant? A David Tyree who made a Giant Snatch, which was the Official Bill Simmons These Are My Readers Most Luckiest Leg Sweep In Rocky IV History?

These will be IMPORTANT COINCIDENCES used to create an extra sense of drama for a game that doesn’t really need it, but you’ll be bombarded with them nonetheless. But it’s the Super Bowl. If it weren’t these, it’ve been something about Jack Harbaugh whipping both of his sons with the sticks that correspond to the colors of the teams they now coach.

Kyle Williams won’t be in the Super Bowl, however, as he is the worst and people who are the worst don’t get to be in the Super Bowl. Unless they happen to sign as a backup for a good team, a la Leinart in 2008. Good luck with that, Kyle.

It was a pretty fantastic day of football overall. Alex Smith did some reverting to the “We Want Carr” Alex Smith of old as the game wore on and Eli Manning got the bejesus beaten out of him, but showed remarkable toughness for a man-child who typically displays anything but.

Hopefully the Giants will get to apply one of those shots to Dreamboat before the entire New York cut down on the field by a American flag draped Goodell firing squad. Meanwhile, Niners fans seem pretty angry about the Bradshaw fumble being blown dead late in the 4th quarter, but his forward progress was stopped on the play, so live with it. We’re moving onto our sports championship sequel, which Simmons will rank far ahead of other Super Bowl sequels like Cowboys-Bills, Steelers-Cowboys and 49ers-Bengals because those teams aren’t really movie stars.

Oh, and Coughlin brushing off Eli as Manning was furiously yelling that the playclock was running out just as the Giants were about to attempt the game-winning field goal was my favorite thing of the day, except for the whole Lee Evans/Cundiff sequence from the first game, which I’ll have on loop the entire week and maybe also forever and ever.

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