Not every act of patriotism is successful.
Americans love to celebrate their patriotism using everything from open flames covered in slabs of meat to bottle rockets and giant mortar shells that create beautiful bursts of color in the sky. Because nothing says “patriotism” quite like taking a huge risk that you might burn your entire neighborhood to the ground.
Inevitably, some of these ritualistic practices go terribly wrong. In celebration of the return of Ain’t That America on MTV2 — which has its second season premiere TONIGHT at 11:00 PM EST — we’ve collected ten of our all-time favorite “patriotism fail” videos.
First up is an all-time classic that should be shown to everyone the first time they log on to the Internet. It’s like the Keyboard Cat and “Chocolate Rain” of fireworks fails.
There have been some terrible national anthems over the years. But none — not even the renditions where the singers forgot the words — have been worse than Roseanne Barr’s 1990 version.
Next, we have two guys who fall into the glorious category of not caring what fireworks are actually intended for, as they use these Roman candles as playful weapons. Gee, how does that turn out?
What’s more patriotic than a firing up the grill on Fourth of July? Nothing! Just make sure you don’t nearly blow your face off in the process.
Perhaps the biggest fails are the ones caused by you Average Joes who think you can do what the so-called pros do when it comes to mortars. There’s a reason that your local park hires actual fireworks crews each year, so the neighborhood’s cars don’t keep everyone up all night.
But even the pros have their share of problems, as this San Diego fireworks display ended up going off all at once. What a glorious 30-second memory that must have been for everyone.
Sometimes those accidental displays that go off all at once can look kind of cool. Other times they can be incredibly terrifying. Try to guess which kind this is.
A time-honored tradition at most Fourth of July BBQs: frolicking in the swimming pool! Just make sure you show a little more caution than the reckless divers featured in this, The Ultimate Diving Board Fail Compilation.
For some reason, some guys really love trying to shoot bottle rockets out of their butts. SPOILER: It never ends well. At least for the butt.
In the end, the finest patriotism fails seem to come from firework stunts gone wrong. But there are simply too many to show you in one post. Fortunately, there are people out there who put them all together and set them to the most appropriate music.
(And remember, kids, don’t try any of this at home.)