The PFT Commenter Super Bowl Mail-Pail

01.29.14 4 years ago 29 Comments

shoutout 2 first-time caller Chris for making this

Well folks its pretty much the best to weeks of the year. I havnet got my W2 forms so I can honestly not really know or care how much money I made last year and the Superbowl is right around the corner. Call me old fashion but I liked the Superbowl more when it was in January, Febuarys a soft month its only got 28 days (and one of those is Valentimes) and its also black history month which is great but I mean come on, how come theres no Superbowl in July which is White history month? Doesnt add up IMO.

Also, The Superbowl should be played every year on a Friday which gives bluecollar workers a holiday plus 2 days of recouperation and time for there parents to bail them out of jail. Just my two cents. You guys sent in a bunch of LuncpailBag Superbowl questions which I’ll do my best to answer here.


Ryan Forbes asks: Hardest worker in the Super Bow- That’s a trick question b/c we all know it’s Wes Welker. But I’m seeing a large gap between him and any other hard working lunch pail guy. Who would be next up behind him?

Youve got Mad Dog 20/20 vision if thats how your seeing it Ryan, well done. Next hardest working guy in the Superbowl has got to be Marshawn Lynchs bartender.

Alex asks: is dickie sherman a cornball thug, no offence?

I wouldnt call Sherman a cornball thug Id call him a Cheese doodle thug because hes clearly a “cheetah” and you cant change your spots. No matter how many colleges he goes to he is still from Compton and Colin Cowerd will tell you that doesnt just wash away magicaly because you had sex with rich guys daughters for 4 years.

Chris asks: PFT,, I;m a REAL nfl fan who likes to look at the game from ALL angels,, especially the Superbowl, so I’m wondering, if BOTH starting qbs get hurt, which backup qb has the advantage??

Thats a good take no ones talking about this and people are starting to forget it. On Denvers side weve got mutant Brock Osweiler whose pretty much Jim from the office if instead of holding onto his latent homosexality for 3 years he held a clipboard. Brock is a Elite field goal blocker and he was the Montana Gatorade player of the year in high school which is actually not that impressive because all there good athletes are either doing rodeo or training for the geyser-fucking olympics.

On the other hand youve got Tarvaris Jackson aka Building #7 because he collapses when nothing hits him. I will never never pick Tarvaris to win any bored game, conversation, or ditch-diging contest much less a Superbowl I hope that answers your question.

Mr. Langford asks: thx for taking my question…we here enough of the obvious (marshaun Lynch (no offence) is a beast, Rick Sherman has the longest dreads, Von Miller probably has the biggest glove size) but everyone is ignoring the elephant in the room… Russel Wilson Elite?, Ill hang up and listen

Lets put him through the scale:

E- “Guts”- I dont know if hes got guts because he throws other people under the bus instead’ve falling on his own sword.

L- “Do it own your own”- Hes got a 12th man, the best defence in the game and a big ground game so no.

I- “Interceptions”- He doesnt throw many INTs but he doesnt not throw many INTs too when you think about it.

T- “Throws”- He makes NFL throws

E- “Elite”- He hasnt won the big one so hes no points on Elite.

Not Elite.

Enrico Pallazzo asks: Design the perfect head football coach in the National Football League 



Stockton asks: IYO, Hoo is on the ’13 all Thug Team? All I have so far is Sherman and Bryant (Dez, not Kobe bcuz remember this if football). Don’t say Mike Vick bcuz Thugz can’t play QB (fyi)

QB: None

RB: Trench RicHardSin

TE: Arron Hernandez

FB: Derrick Coleman (Marketing hismelf as the first “def” player)

WR: 32-way tie

OLine: Pouncey Family

DLine” NDamukong Smh

LB: Vontaze Burfect

LB: Aldon Smh

CB: Tyran Mattheiu

CB: Crackman Jones

“Safety”: Brandon Mayweather

Punter: Marquise King

Dan asks: Do u think coach Herman coone (no offence) was as good a coach as remember the titans suggest? Or do u think he benafitted from a good white californa boy like sunshine. And Ryan gosling.

I think that team could of benefitted from a Riley Cooper type guy to make everyone realize that if were allowed to say the N-Word why cant everyone else who wants to sing our music or fight us. A good coach would of realized that and brought in someone who was just as racist as can be because in the long run its more powerful when someone who use to be racist does something marginally good.

Scott asks: If Danny Woodhead were to join a blue collar labor union, which one do you think it would be?Would it be Teamsters because he’s literally never been responsible for stopping a drive?
Would it be Laborers because he does all the heavy lifting and doesn’t get any of the credit like the showboat Bricklayers?

First’ve all I dont think Danny is the Union type, hes more of a Confederacy but those are good suggestons. Dannys what I call a Union of 1- a collection of a individual thats stronger and more powerful then just himself. Danny would never collectively bargain for less drug tests because hes got nothing to hide so I’ll say that he would be a Pipe fitter because he’ll make you stick your drugs where the sun dont shine.

Will asks: What would you say is the best lunchpail performance in a movie?  I gotta go with Rocky 4,, Rocky was a huge underdog to the Russian dude but carried his lunchpail all the way to Russia and trained in the snow chopping wood,, not with fancy machines and steroids.  And he was fighting for the name on the back (USA) not the name on the front (Drago specifically says he fights for himself,, ppl forget that).

Thats a realy strong point Will, but I’m going to shock you here. IMO the best lunchpail guys in movie history are the Ghetto street hockey team from South Central in Mighty Ducks 2. Team USA loses a big match and they need to rediscover there love of hockey so they go and play against those nogoodniks from the streets.


The Ghetto kids are the scout team for Team USA and they know there just there to give them a look. I was a fierce scout teamer in my day and I know what it takes to pin your ears back and just give everyone a look,, its importent. They almost even beat the USA National team but they lacked coachability and resources so none of the kids on the Mighty Ducks team even thinks to mention how there is a group of 9 urban kids who would literally be the second best hockey team in the world to their coaches or anyone else, and they just leave those kids there. Those kids knew there role. Lunchpail.

Chris (guy who made the picture at the top) asks: Firsttime caller, longtime listener. If you had to move the Carolina Pantsagger Cam Newton to a different position so he could finally be humbled, which would it be? I’ll hang up and listen.

Left out.

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