‘Professional Cuddler’ Is An Actual Job And Business Seems To Be Good

Last year, professional cuddler Samantha Hess was featured on the Pacific Northwest’s Evening Magazine, and she detailed everything that went into offering $60 an hour to lay in bed and cuddle people. This weekend, she was back on the local news, and no, it wasn’t for a huge police bust that exposed the dark, sexual side of the pro cuddling game. Instead, she was interviewed by Portland’s KPTV because her business “has taken off,” as she opened a new store and even hired some cuddling employees that she is training in the art of saying, “Hey, no funny business, mister.”

Hess’s new store features four bedrooms that offer different themes for her half-hour or hour-long sessions, because some people just want someone to lay in bed with and chat, while others want the real hands-on cuddling experience. But no matter how many jokes we make about it, Hess is very serious and sincere that the only happy ending she’s offering features the satisfaction of a cuddle job well done.

“People always think that there’s upgrades or, you know, additional services that we provide, and that’s not true,” said Hess. “It’s a simple service. It’s the same for a man or a woman. We are a family-oriented service. We’re not adult-oriented in any way. We just make people feel loved and accepted for who they are.” (Via KPTV)

Amazingly, while this seems like it should feature appearances by Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein, professional cuddling has been available in other cities for several years. Something to keep in mind the next time that you’re lonely but don’t feel like getting arrested in a Craigslist sting.

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