Ravens Fans: Still The Worst

01.23.13 5 years ago 92 Comments

If you don’t like the San Francisco 49ers, no one is going to hold that against you. There are plenty of reasons to dislike them. However, between the two teams involved in this year’s Super Bowl, the Ravens have the more detestable fan base by an incredibly large margin. Baltimore fans are such impossibly obnoxious bitter white trash that even if Ray Lewis weren’t on their team, no one could root for the Ravens just because of these purple camo-wearing shitheads.

Take the couple in the picture above. Nice scrunchy, lady. How are the ’80s still treating you? The only thing more depressing than their appearance is their story.

The Ravens going to the Super Bowl has special meaning to one Baltimore couple who had their first date during the 2001 Super Bowl and said they would get married when the team made it back to the big game.

Jim Pellegrini and Daisy Sudano, who consider themselves super fans, are finally making those wedding plans. The couple went on their first date in 2001 when the Ravens were playing the New York Giants in the Super Bowl.

“Pretty much all through our relationship we joked about it. We said that since our first date was the Super Bowl with the Ravens, we said it’s going to happen. The next time the Ravens go, that’s when we’re going to finally get married, Sudano said.

“I didn’t think the Ravens were going to make it for a while, so I knew they were going to buy me some time,” Pellegrini said, laughing.

Also buying you time: that neither of you have anything else going on.

“I think there are purple wedding gowns out there somewhere,” Sudano joked.

A quick Google search would turn up every sad sack bridal warehouse within 20 miles of Dundalk.

The couple said they know it will be expensive to get tickets or a hotel room in New Orleans at this point, so they’re thinking of going in an RV.

Mobile meth lab! Take your work with you! That way, you don’t have to take any vacation.

Any joining of people that miserable deserves nothing less than the added misery of making the trip only for the Ravens to lose in humiliating fashion. Start that life of disappointment together off right.

Oh, and here’s some asshole with Ray Lewis shaved into the back of his head. So lifelike! In fact, if you stick a camera on it, it’s starts weeping and whiffing at running backs.

You know what they call that haircut? Probable cause.

Holy mother of f*ck, Ravens fans. If there’s any justice in the world, your team will lose by 90 points and your franchise will disband, so we’ll never have to hear from you depressing assholes ever again.

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