Every year thousands of people gather to watch the Thanksgiving Day parade. They sit and stand in the crappy weather to see their favorite characters float by in massive balloon form. Giant Spongebobs, Spider-mans, probably the Twilight characters (It’s been a while since I watched).
Every year it’s basically the same thing. Oh hey, look! A popular thing that is relevant to pop culture right now! This year they’ll probably showcase Thor’s hammer or something from The Hunger Games. But if they really wanted to go topical, they would use the ideas I sent them. Sadly, they were all rejected. I took the liberty of illustrating them anyway, just doing my part of sticking it to the man.
Rob Ford in an Argonauts jersey!
This balloon was rejected because it is made of pure cocaine and is carried along by Ford’s own personal fleet of prostitutes. Apparently that’s “not the sort of example we want to set for the children.”
Paula Deen on a butter stick!
Reason for rejection: “Something something alienating portions of the audience.”
Joffrey Baratheon!
Reason for rejection: Anticipated sabotage due to thousands of people attempting to punch the balloon in the face.
Aquaman!
No one cares about Aquaman. Poor Aquaman.
Miley on a wrecking ball!
Aside from the obvious nudity issue, the balloon was rejected because it required a larger than normal crew due to Miley’s insistence that the balloon bounce up and down repeatedly.
The Healthcare.gov website!
The parade officials actually wanted to use this one, but they couldn’t get it to work right.
Kanye and Kim on a motorcycle!
Rejected because it would take a massive green screen to work properly and would still look like crap.
NSA Spy Drone!
Nobody was sure if it was actually just a balloon.
Oh well. Maybe next year they’ll be more open to fresh ideas instead of the same junk all over again.
