Rob Ryan And His Econoline Van Are Out Of Dallas

01.09.13 5 years ago 38 Comments

It’s not every coordinator firing that KSK bothers to cover, but not every coordinator is Rob Ryan, a man who never stopped rocking, being real or doing eightballs in the first seat of his 1999 Ford Econoline conversion van. This off-season, both Ryan brothers were almost out of jobs, which would have left this a much poorer league for the sake of depravity. That might sit well with the Tony Dungys of the world, but not us.

Don’t worry too much, because Rob is damn sure he’ll be coaching again in no time.

“I inherited a team that was 31st in the league in defense and made them better,” Ryan told “I (expletive) made them a hell of a lot better. I’ll be out of work for like five minutes.”

“I enjoyed my time here. I have no hard feelings,” Ryan said. “But it doesn’t matter if I coach here or not. I will find another spot. I’m too damn good.”

The 31st ranking he’s referring to is points allowed, which was true of the Cowboys in 2010, the season before they hired Rob. In Ryan’s first season with Dallas, the Cowboys jumped to 16th in points allowed, a significant improvement, but still securely in the middle of the pack. In 2012, they fell back to 24th. Still technically better than 31st, but nothing to crow about. And Jerry Jones ain’t the kind of man that tolerates incremental gains, unless it’s a white head coach from Princeton who can distract the ol’ Double J with book-learned fancy talk.

Defenders will say that Rob’s unit was wracked by injury, but to be honest, what team isn’t? After linebacker Sean Lee was lost for the season, Rex Ryan told the public that Rob cried about about it, a claim Rob later angrily denied. If you find that kind of public Ryan brother squabbling to be as entertaining as we do, you’ll be encouraged to know that the media is already blindly speculating about the possibility of Rob joining Rex in New York.

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