Roger Goodell would consider allowing players to treat concussions with marijuana

01.23.14 4 years ago 39 Comments

weed football

Guess what folks were almost here in SuperBong week with the Denver Dankos going up verse the Sinsamillattle Sativawks= two cities that are more covered in grey smoke then the popes chimney. (Pope joke). Well the wacky tobacco is back in the news again, this time because Roger Goodell in a master legal maneuver said today that the league would consider allowing players to get high in order to treat concussion symptoms:

We will obviously follow signs. We will follow medicine and if they determine this could be a proper usage in any context, we will consider that.

This is a classic gambit of letting the player THINK they have won but in reality, Goodell just pretty much won the now up-in-the-air concussion lawsuit with this technique. Dont believe me? Read on.

From the internet, the following are symptoms of CTE compared side by side to smoking drugs or “weed” side by side:


Symtoms of CTE Symtoms of smoking drugs or being “high”
Paranoia Paranoia
Memory problems Short-term memory lost
Anxiety Anxiety
Depression Depression
Aggression Agression
Confusion Magical or “random” thinking


No wonder they call it CHRONIC Traumatic Encepelopathy folks. No offense.

But the hidden legal genius is that Goodell knows he’s between a rock and Pat Summerall’s liver, so he is pulling THE ALL TIME GREATEST legal maneuver of all time here. He is getting players to ADMIT that they smoke weed all day in writing. This means that 5 years from now a high-powered NFL lawyer will be able to make the following “walk off” argument in the concussion lawsuit:

“Your honor the only symptoms these players demonstrate are consistant with the prologued effects of smoking hasish or “pot” which they lobbied for the league to legalize back in 2014. There can be no proof that concussions led to Mr. Tolbert’s massive massive weight gain, or Mr. Griffins many amputations were linked to to anything other then the “Smoke Weed Everyday” doctrine of 2014. The symptoms of there alleged “concussions” are 100% identical to the symptoms of getting really high and putting on a Solja Boy mixtape. Also, let the record show that smoking cannabis or “hemp” decreases motor functions and the real “high” motor type guys like JJ Watt arent taking the whole world to court because they have personal responsibility for their mental illnesses.”

The obvious take away here is that theres no such thing as concussion, Its just the affects of smoking too much drugs for way too long that’s finally catching up with alot of these stoners. Now they want ME, the taxpayer, or the owners or whoever, to foot the bill for the nights they spent studying a gravitybong instead of studying there assignments. By allowing players to smoke pot or “marihuana” to alleviate symptoms of “concussions”, this is pretty much like saying, “here treat your HIV with this full-blown losange of AIDS.” Now that Goodells saying that you can treat a case of the cobwebs by blasting up hes laid the groundwork for the biggest legal win of all time.

Once again Goodells playing chess while the players are playing dominoes and this is just embarassing when you get down to it. As much as you guys hate to admit it here, you know Im right and the league is at the very leased considering this strategy right now.

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