Ol’ Dirty Ron Artest

12.02.09 8 years ago 22 Comments

It all makes more sense now. Last week, I was going to overlook the above footage of Ron Artest on Kimmel in his skibbies. Figured “Nah, he’s just a fool.” Skipped the story about him and his half-sister pulling a welfare scam in Indianapolis, only adding it to the Cooler because “Nah, you can’t really believe that man had a hand in helping his sister pull the scam. I mean, they prolly don’t even have the same mom or go to the same family reunions so she really ain’t his real sister. Can’t count that against him. No sir.”

But after Ron-Ron shows up in the news today saying he used to drink Henny @ halftime when he played for the Bulls, I died. Prop me in the corner with my Yankees cap. Can you imagine standing @ the free throw line next to this dude in the third quarter? Do the refs wear nose plugs? Did they think he was just a party animal & it was coming out his pores from the night before? Who was guarding his locker room stash, Ron Mercer’s bum ass? It would’ve been hard not to drink in Chicago though because A.) they sucked and B.) Kenwood Liquors is the devil. Pressure + easy accessibility = a bad mixture.

The league’s response thus far?

“NBA spokesman Tim Frank said Wednesday: ‘We have no comment and we hope Ron has a successful season.'” [ESPN]

Presumably, Mr. Frank said that while fanning David Stern, who was unconscious at the time apparently from having passed out upon hearing Artest’s admission.

Ron Artest, you sir are not a fool. You are a shittin’ fuckin fool for that one. I bet sitting around playing late night games of Tonk & losing money against Artest would be worth it for the fun involved, just to hear his ass tell stories.

SN Conversation with Ron Artest: ‘I Used To Drink Hennessy At Halftime’ [Sporting News]

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