Russell Dalrymple Loves Tiki Barber; Pasta Primavera

02.13.07 11 years ago 18 Comments

Never stare at the underage cleavage of the NBC

The news we’ve all been waiting for has finally arrived, Tiki Barber is set to add some REAL color to NBC’s Peacock. As expected the gregarious ex-Giant will be filling some sort of role with the network’s Sunday Night Football package. It’s still unsure as to whether Tiki will join the broadcast booth, or if they’ll just stick his bronzed visage on the studio set to offset the pre-existing ugly.

If I were NBC I’d put him in the studio (then I’d take over GE in a bloody coup). In fact, I bet he could do the job every other guy they pay to mug for the camera. He’s a smarmy pretty boy like Costas, people in football will open up to him like PK, he knows stuff about football like Collinsworth, and he’s black like Bettis and Sharpe (keep in mind this is NBC talking not me; I don’t think white people should be allowed on television at all).

Besides his jock-obligation to the football broadcast Tiki’s going to fill an as of yet unspecified roll with the Today show. I’ve never seen the program but I’m told it involves semi-literate people from Billings/Duluth/Texarkana holding signs wishing happy birthday to somebody that wishes they died ten years ago.

This is either Tiki and Ginny or Ronde and Claudia. Only they know the truth.

I can’t help but guess that this part of the career move was inspired by Tiki’s lovely wife Ginny (my great aunt will be thrilled to know they’re still using that name). Behind every great man is a woman who knows where the money’s at, and it’s not limited to Tiki. In fact behind a lot of great black men are smart and sexy Asian women (just ask Russell Simmons and Sugar Shane Mosley). As if I needed any further reason this just about settles it…as soon as I’m a successful proud black man I’m gettin’ me a sexy Asian wife (I’m lookin’ at you, Redskinette Lisa).

There should be a press conference at some point today, but you don’t care.

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