Russell Wilson gets a divorce, and NFL players say they want guaranteed contracts?

04.24.14 3 years ago 52 Comments


In perhaps the biggest on-the-field news of the NFL league year thus far, Russell Wilson got divorced yesterday. The Seahawks rightfully did the right thing and made a official announcement that there starting QB broke up with his wife, although I would of preferred to of heard this from Roger Goodell since its a Quarterback driven league and will impact Ron Jaworskis preseason NerdBoard of Elite NFL QBs where hes due to put Andy Dalton number 4 or some bullshit this year IMO.

First of all color me shocked that a guys whose named after the sound you make when you go for a romp in the hay might not have a perfect marriage. I mean between knees and lovelifes, stability is not really what your drafting when you take a read option quaterback. I mean when it comes to wedding rings Wilsons faking the handoff and wants to roll out to see whose open. Cant blame him.

But alot of questions remain unanswered. Did she break up with him because he was to short and couldnt see over her “O” Line? Does he have difficulty standing upright in the pocket?? Was she not really a virgin before they got married like she said she was?- a “Fail Mary” if you will? Was Centurylink field only the loudest in the NFL because she was in the stands acting like Sharon Stone from casino and she had it coming? The Seahawks dvision rival fans have a right to know so that they can heckle Wilson appropriately. They literally pay his salary so this is “need to know stuff here.”

I had some fun with it and said that this brings Wilsons Rings Per Year (RPY) avrage back down to zero, but in realty there is nothing to joke about when it comes to divorce unless its a really funny joke like the ones I make. At least we know hes not blaming his failed marrage on concussions,, I mean when was the last time you saw “To many blows to my head” listed by a guy as grounds for divorce? Case closed.

But this is truly a tough situation and in times like this its allways best to consult the ProFootballTalk comment section which acts like a funeral guestbook for a relatonship. Its where we all go to heal.

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Good use of a #Hashtag there in my opinon by si1m. Here are the three most affective places to use hashtags:

  1. espn NFL fantasy mockdraft chatroom
  2. PFT Comment section
  3. tattoo

Its also importent to stand up for mens rights even though no one has technically attacked them yet.

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Something tells me user “tee1227” doesnt really love that. I think he’s being sarcastic. I think tee1227 gets it unlike the other 1,226 “tee’s” who’re just way to PC to come out and defense their own right to be a man.

As much as I hate to admit it you have to take your hat of to Wilson for throwing his combine appearence (specifically the measurements) so that he would drop to the 3rd round thus insuring himself of a low salary until he gets a second to come up for air and get a divorce. Thats strong financial planning, this guy gets it IMO. Now hes free to cash in on a lucrative second contract without having to worry about dividing it equally amongst himself, his exwife and that massage shack he practicly probably lives in on Queen Anne. The thing I worry about is that its a copycat league and you can expect others to follow in his footsteps like maybe RG3 breaking up with his fleshlight or Colin Kapernick getting divorced from a full length mirror.

I am also curous to know if the former Mrs Wilson is planning on going on Rich Eisens Free Agent dating app for sports fans and like banging a bunch of 49er fans on the rebound. If your reading this right now Ashton my SN is “PFTCommenter” and Im up for watching a game, catching a couple hangs, or just chillin whatevs no pressure.

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