Scourge of Oregon Now Consumes Pro Bowl Uniforms

10.08.13 4 years ago 33 Comments


Is nothing sacred?

First there were the ugly neon uniforms worn by the University of Oregon. Then, the Seattle Seahawks, needing to be seen amongst the rain and fog of the Pacific Northwest, adopted the bright color trim. Now, even the Pro Bowl has fallen victim to hideous, blinding uniforms meant to burn the retinas.

Featuring bright orange and neon green trim as the dominant color on each side, the new uniforms were unveiled today by Nike to accompany the new picked-team format of the 2014 Pro Bowl. Not just fit to be called a “jersey,” the unis are technically titled “The Nike Elite 51 Pro Bowl uniforms,” as in the line, “The 2014 NFL Nike Elite 51 Pro Bowl Uniforms push the limits of uniform innovation, energy, and speed.”

There are also a lot of meaningless buzzwords thrown in to make the uniforms sound cool while doing little other than just looking bad. From – what else? – a press release:

The baselayer, Designed and engineered from the inside out, the NFL Nike Elite 51 uniform focuses on creating a fully integrated system where the baselayer, padding, jersey and pant work in concert. Lightweight padding is also integrated directly into the crucial “hit zones” in the baselayer. Key innovations include integrated Flywire technology in the neckline to reduce weight and provide lockdown fit over pads, increased sleeve articulation for better range of motion, and all-over four-way stretch fabrication to provide a streamlined shrink-wrap fit.

Uh huh.

Adding insult to ghastly, they don’t even call it green (or lime green or neon green or any other incarnation of green) anymore but rather “volt.” Fitting, as the color makes me want to taser myself in the face.

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