NOTE: This is a special name breakdown from the great stw at Name Of the Year. Enjoy!
Happy birthday, boys! Your names suck! None of you has it “going both ways,” as we like to say at NOTY. Though we’re sure all of you go just one way: the way favored, by our count, by two NFL of the 20,482 players in NFL history (through 2005; unlike you, we do actual research), three if you count Jeff Garcia. Those are some tough hombres, eh? Did you know we recently elected a former New York Giant to the Hall of Name? Our man Moses Regular didn’t have much game, but he has killer name. You pantywaists have nothing. Though we do love it when you post for us.
Unsilent Majority v. Christmas Ape: Great. A fucking Nixon reference. Just what we want to see at the bottom of another post about the Wizards. Oh, wait. Wrong blog. And Christmas Ape. From “The Simpsons”? No way! Because we enjoy that television program as well!
Winner: Unsilent Majority
Captain Caveman v. Big Daddy Drew: Another cartoon! Your command of popular culture never ceases to amaze! We’d like to think Drew was tapping into the nicknames of some of America’s greatest sportsmen. Or perhaps paying homage to Africa’s greatest dictator. But we’re guessing Drew just really likes that dumbass Adam Sandler movie and/orâ€”wait for itâ€”“The Simpsons.”
Winner: Big Daddy Drew
Flubby v. Monday Morning Punter: Which of the Urban Dictionary definitions is it? Our money is on wishful thinking for No. 3. “Monday morning whatever” entered the realm of lame when you guys were jerking off to Saturday-morning cartoons (and we don’t mean last week). It also reminds us of Easterbrook. Which of course we’re guessing it’s supposed to. So clever! But the surname saves it. Kickers rock.
Winner: Monday Morning Punter
Unsilent Majority over Big Daddy Drew: Because we’re actually kind of amazed that any of you has a point of reference before 1991.
Monday Morning Punter over Bye: It’s our fucking bracket.
Unsilent Majority v. Monday Morning Punter: We’ll let the commenters decide.