Plenty of folks feel that the Sochi Olympics have been a sh*tfest to this point, from toilet trouble to dog extermination. But as far as safety goes, things have been pretty smooth to this point. But as the Turkish air pirate proves, the risk is out there.
Luckily Russia Today consulted Steven Seagal on the topic and got his thoughts on the strength of Sochi security.
“I think you can never be too careful…I think Sochi’s going to be quite safe, but then again, there is no such thing as, you know, 100% guarantee of, you know, absolute safety anywhere in the world, wherever you go. But I think it’s going to be one of the safest places around and I think that the President of the Russian Federation is doing an amazing job to make sure it is safe for everyone.”
Well that certainly makes me feel better about sleeping tonight. Mostly because of the soothing voice Seagal emits from his crystal cave, but also because 70,000 is a hell of a lot of security. That’s like four Richard Jewells, the poor son of a b*tch.
That doesn’t mean people aren’t going to die in Sochi of course. If Seagal is on the case, someone is bound to take a beating and probably a bullet at some point. In fact, it gives me the idea for a new movie: Going For The Gold.
Seagal is a former CIA operative and biathlon coach who is forced back into action during the Sochi Winter Olympics in order to stop French terrorists who are using mutated stray Russian dogs to start World War III.
Don’t call Hollywood just yet. Maybe Eastern Europe, though. We will refer to this post as draft one from now on.