Competitor (seed): Mike Sellers (5)
Sponsor: Smoot Smack
Ring Music: Move Bitch
Birthplace: Frankfurt, Germany
Hometown: Walla Walla, Washington
Pedigree: Sellers was a multi-sport star in high school but he didn’t bother taking the SAT because he’s just that fucking awesome. His pro career began at the age of 19.
Strength: Intimidating scowl.
Weakness: Time spent in Canada might have made him overly friendly.
Predilection towards violence: He enjoys pummeling the occasional safety.
Fighting Style: Sellers is a warrior who can take punishment as well as he can dole it out. He isn’t afraid to trade shots, knowing that he’ll be the man standing when the bell rings.
Competitor (seed): Brian Urlacher (12)
Reach: Paris Hilton, Tara Reid (again)
Sponsor: Vitamin Water, Nike, McDonald’s, Domino’s, Sega, and Campbell’s. But appearing in commercials makes him uncomfortable. Obviously.
Ring Music: White People Music
Hometown: Lovington, New Mexico
Pedigree: Set various weight lifting records at the University of New Mexico. Also dabbled in pro wrestling.
Predilection towards violence: Only the fake kind.
Fighting Style: Urlacher relies on his quickness rather than power. He can be described as a finesse fighter, but his jab packs some pop.