The All-Hair Metal Arena Football League

07.24.14 3 years ago 54 Comments

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Earlier today, it was announced that Motley Crue frontman Vince Neil would be purchasing an Arena Football League team that will play in Las Vegas.  He will reportedly call his team the Las Vegas Outlaws, which is stupid because:

A. It was already the name of an XFL team

B.  Gene Simmons already has the L.A. Kiss – why not counter with the Las Vegas Crue? It has a pretty good ring to it.

This got us here at KSK thinking. What if you had an entire football league made up of teams named after and owned by ’80s hair metal/arena rock bands? Wouldn’t that be fucking awesome? These are the teams we thought of, but we’re sure you’ll have plenty more great ones in the comments. (Editor’s note  – Possibly better ones because we love you that much Kommantariat. – ss) 

Spokane Skid Row

Rochester Ratt

Duluth Dokkens

Wilmingston White Lions

Eugene E’nuff Z’nuff

L.A. L.A. Guns

Nashville Pussy

Peoria Pantera*

Keukuk Kix

Grand Rapids Great White

Provo Poison

Union City Ugly Kid Joes

Birmingham Bulletboys

Sacramento Steelhearts

Walla Walla Warrant

Des Moines Def Leppards

Raleigh Quiet Riot

Vancouver Van Halen

Tuscaloosa Trixters

Buffalo Bon Jovis

*I know what you’re thinking: Pantera isn’t hair metal, you dipshit! Well, they were in the ’80s:

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