The Best Moments From 49ers-Cardinals

10.30.12 5 years ago 32 Comments

If it weren’t already evident, the Cardinals are destined to be the team with the hot start that fell apart after a month of media incredulity and sweeping hype. Last year, it was the Bills who started 4-1 before crashing and burning their way to 6-10. No reason to expect that Arizona should fare any better considering the level of competition in their division and the quality of play from their offensive line and quarterbacks, or lack thereof.

In the meantime, Jim Harbaugh is spitting some jive to the media after Alex Smith nearly broke an NFL record for completion percentage. He would have had the record if he had completed one more pass, as the record only recognizes performances with at least 20 pass attempts. Can’t believe that the 49ers passing attack thrives when they aren’t asked to do all that much.

Asked what Smith’s performance meant for the ongoing Alex Smith confidence narrative, Harbs responded:

Harbaugh: I don’t think there was ever a question there. I think it’s just a lot of gobble gobble turkey.

Reporter: What is gobble, gobble turkey?

Harbaugh: Just gobble, gobble, gobble turkey from jive turkey gobblers … that paints a pretty good picture. He’s a very confident guy.

That’s right. Harbs will spit some jive. He’ll spit some jive like you never seen.

That and continue to deny that the team sought other options at quarterback prior to the season. Whatevs. That’s Harbs.

It’s funny because Rod Tidwell wore no. 85 as well. Also because he got killed.

Yeah, I’m a horrible person. Not my fault God wasted His opportunity to take me and my bloggin’ computer out with the hurricane. And if ESPN shows devastating hits with multiple replays, why should I feel bad about it?

It Darth Buzzsaw. It being Arizona, it will be more fitting than the movies when he takes off his mask to reveal a half decomposed old white guy.

I guess that makes this sad little tyke the Episode I Anakin in this analogy. “Are we going to punt again? Wizard!”

Alex Smith’s one incompletion was the result of a drop. But then he did get extremely fortunate that this tipped pass fell into the hands of a receiver on the sideline. Eh, I can’t even work up the contempt to try to denigrate a good Alex Smith performance.

You’re not a truly elite back until you’ve humiliated William Gay by stomping a mudhole into the cornerback and walking it dry. The way he got abused by Frank Gore last night evoked memories of the time Adrian Peterson walked all over Gay a few years back.

Larry Fitzgerald pulling a Kevin Dyson, if Kevin Dyson were trying to score a garbage time touchdown in Week 8 game down three scores and not trying to tie the Super Bowl. Same diff, right? Either way, Fitty deserves better than this team.

Someone in the live blog made a joke that this guy looked like he went down on Katy Perry. I don’t remember who it was. I was drunk. Forgive the snubbage.

None of it good. For a fan base that barely gives a shit, Cardinals fans are frightening. Not even the mask. What the fuck is that on that guy’s back. A quiver of arrows? Someone’s leg he carries around as a spare?

Jon Gruden still loves KISS and spent a night in Gene Simmons’ box. File under: things that only further confirm what I suspected Jon Gruden is like.

Tirico is ribbing Gruden about the Chucky stuff, but it would be great if Gruden got royalties for Chucky merch and used it to tour the country as a KISS groupie.

RGIII and Kirk Cousins are way too cool for school, you guys. If you want RGIII to crack a joke, better come ready with Subway endorsement money. Good Brett Favre dig by Cousins, though.

Pardon me. I just enjoy Eagles fans’ pain.

Lobster Mobster

The worst thing about Alex Smith’s sprained finger is that nobody makes a splint small enough for his baby hands.


Manningham is the result of Archie nailing a pig

The Lord Formerly Known as Revisisle

The SF DB just did the Dying Gaul

War Machine

The Cardinals Concussion Test:

Coach: “Hey, Larry, is Skelton any good?”

Larry: “Yes! No! AAAAARGH!” *vomits*

Coach: “He’s fine, put him back in.”

Old School Zero

So much foreheadroom in those Buicks!

Keating Sean

the hedonistic opulence of all the passing plays by the 49′s has Harbuagh been replaced by a Dubai Prince


Darren Rovell is worried Clay’s man cave flooding in the hurricane.


I fixed that picture.


In the future, when alien/robot anthropologists study our culture, they will see that we used our only remaining source of electricity (cell phones) to update Facebook to let everyone know that the electricity is out. At that point, their questions about our extinction will be answered.

Otto Man sounds better than the original name:

Keating Sean

Skelton isn’t a game manager; he’s a manager of expectations

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