There was something to like about the result of last night’s game no matter which team you were pulling for. The Niners won a hard-fought defensive battle, quieting for the time being Russell Wilson’s Legend of the Charmslinger. Should you dislike San Francisco, take heart, because Jim Harbaugh is likely to be taken down by the gambling community for refusing to accept the safety at the end of the game that would have given his team a cover over the 7.5-point spread. Silver linings, etc.
As for individual performance, I guess the game wasn’t so joyous for Vernon Davis fantasy owners, given that he didn’t have a single catch or even a pass targeted in his direction. Frank Gore put up a ton of yards but neglected to get into the end zone. He also left the game late in the 4th quarter and missed San Francisco’s final two offensive drives. The injury only appears to be bruised ribs, however. Meanwhile, the Niners only have one game over the next 23 days, so no need to launch into panic mode if happen to have Gore on your roster.
Throwback smashmouth FOOTBAW games are by nature a little lighter on the highlights. This is part of the reason that people dislike them. Fortunately, we are able to cull ridicule things from even the most spartan of affairs.
Important to get the scares out of the way early.
OH JESUS, THOSE PLAYCALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE! HHHHEEEEELLLLPPPPPPP
Deckering has been such a runaway fad that Ben Obomanu couldn’t help but add himself to the memeing horde. Sure, he didn’t quite have the breakaway that Eric Decker had, but the Turf Monster cares not for such distinctions.
Colin Kaerpernick didn’t get to do a whole lot last night. Apparently, San Francisco was content for Alex Smith to meh up the place by himself. Still, Kaep got in late in the game just so he could be decapitated (deKAEPitated? gets it!?) on a designed run in the red zone.
Weeks later, Golden Tate still insists he caught this ball.
Spotted in the lots before the game. All right, Green Bay fans. You got gypped out of a win. We get it. You’re upset. Please remember we also don’t give a shit about you being upset. 49ers fans don’t need your permission or support to beat the Seahawks. They don’t like you. Nobody likes you.
Hope this bro went out buttchugging with Vince from FilmDrunk after the game.
Mike Mayock has a shtick. It’s being knowledgeable about the game plus lisping. No need to steal the stupid nicknaming thing from Jon Gruden. Besides, calling NaVorro Bowman “the State Trooper” is only going to make Aldon Smith feel worried around him.
Mayock is also working on another shtick: vaguely dirty football terminology. “Inverted bone”? “Point of insertion back”? If the Thursday night games are gonna be sloppy, you might as well make them kinda porny, I guess.
DUDES, WE NEED EDELMAN TO JOIN THE 49ERS SO WE CAN GET GINN AND JEWS
The Lord Formerly Known as Revisisle
This week in the Harrowing Adventures of Captain Lispy. Captain Lispy must answer for his actions before a tribunal consisting of Judge Eithen, Judge Thanders and Judge Thapp. Judge Thapp turns out to be a horrible judge and has been stealing all the gavels to satisfy his debts.
ohhh I get it, when games are in San Fran they show San Fran and when games are in Oakland they show San Fran. There must be some great sights in Oakland.
What has the NFL done to make the game safer?
Injured Ray Lewis’ stabbing arm.
how to stop RG3: put a nike logo in your endzone
I CALL HIM THE THTATE TWOOPER!
Alex Flanagan reminds me of a South Park Canadian.
The Flyin Hawaiian David Kaliiki Alii
Jim Harbaugh looks like the love child of Gary Busey and the Incredible Hulk
Head Bee Guy
My weapon of choice in Assassin’s Creed III is the smallpox blanket.
Wilson came up just SHORT… I’ll let myself out
Balls of Steel
Jim Harbaugh is fucking over people in Vegas right now. He may end up underneath a bridge after this game.