The Blame Brady Crowd Is My New Favorite Fringe Movement

02.06.12 6 years ago 98 Comments

You can expect a bit of messy fallout from any team losing a championship game – backbiting player comments to the media, fans starting pointless petitions complaining about calls, riots, supermodel wives of star quarterbacks throwing her hubby’s receivers under the bus for drops. Then, there are those brainfarts that are so powerfully repellent that they linger through all of sports discussion for days, maybe weeks. The Boston Globe’s Eric Wilbur has issued forth just such an emission.

Not so safety call: Blame Brady for this one

The legend is dead, the prince has turned back into a frog, and…well, use whatever other cliché you want.

It was a dark and stormy night.

The butler did it.

We all learned important life lessons from magical Negroes.

I don’t see how this helps.

Sorry, Tommy Boy, this one’s on you. Your hideous performance led to the Giants’ 21-17 Super Bowl title win. How embarrassing for your coach, your teammates, and your fans.

I’m a Tom Brady hater and I’m embarrassed. How did I squander so much of my life waiting for this clown fraud to display his clown fraudiness? In reality, he sucked all along. My life could have been better spent learning dead languages or lobbying local government to build a pedestrian bridge over poor neighborhoods.

But especially for you, boy wonder. It was one thing when you led the game off with a safety, which surely put plenty of faith into the heart of Patriot Nation


but just when you have the game, just when you might be able to run off the clock, you huck the thing downfield. Yes, if Wes Welker catches that thing, you’re in the clear

If someone else didn’t screw up, you wouldn’t be assigned blame for their screw-up. So there. And remember when the safety lost the Pats the game in the first quarter? Well that was only the first loss. The Welker drop was, like, the third or fourth Super Bowl that New England lost last night. Extra wrenching.

but what happened to being safe in that situation? What happened to the Patriot Way and clock management?

Yeah, what happened to the Patriot Way of running the ball to win games? It must have gone from a myth to a fairy tale to a movie pitch where Mark Walhberg stops 9/11 with a street-wise Corey Dillon sidekick that he openly detests.

Maybe that moment will actually hit you as you’re whittling down water slides in South America looking like Prince Valiant this spring. The Patriots haven’t won a title in seven years, but even worse, they’re now turning into the Buffalo Bills

A perennial sub-.500 team? Quite impressive that they made the Super Bowl, then.

with the Giants being their Cowboy daddy.

That image only works because Eli has been known to ride to the practice facility on hobbyhorse.

That’s not easy to swallow in a region where New York is regarded as highly as the menu at Beacon Hill Pub.

Hey! Three and a half stars on Yelp. New York is regarded by Boston as a modestly priced outlet for average food. Seems a little inaccurate.

But, there you are, Tom. That’s what you have become. Your legacy has been stamped, but you’re turning your Joe Montana status into one of Jim Kelly. But, hey what you worry? There’s that new mansion in the “Names” pages to deal with.

If you take away the hour that Brady was a disconsolate wreck after the game, he barely even noticed the Pats lost. Too busy adding boldface tags to his name in all the copy.

Yes, there were plenty of dropped passes to go around. Granted. But when you begin the game with such a boneheaded play, then proceed to make random mistakes, sorry, Tom, game is on you.

So long as I leave the word “granted” after the part that destroys my argument, I’m okay to meander on.

“Yes, humans can’t survive without oxygen for more than maybe a minute and pressure at that depth would crush them. Granted. But the failure of humans to colonize the ocean floor is simply a failure of our collective imagination.”

There was no fourth and 13 to blame Belichick for.

4th and 13? Nope. Iffy playcalling and downright poor clock management? Sure. Or are you leaving the BELICHICK HAS LAWST HIS FASTBALL column for Simmons?

Welker was the closest thing to Asante, and the eeriness compared to the Tyree play will be discussed for decades to come.

I know! No one ever completes long passes late in games except the Giants on the Patriots in the Super Bowl. So eerie!

Thanks for that too. Can’t wait. Oh, look, another text coming in from 212…

Tom, it’s not all your fault,


but you’re the poster boy, you had opportunities, and you failed to make them.

Or people failed to catch them.

Add to that your blunders, and it all becomes about you. You blew this Super Bowl. You denied your coach No. 4. You let down your teammates.

Look how sad you made Ocho. He was so looking forward to riding a duckboat. DUCKBOAT, the boat that’s a duck!

Eli and Peyton now have as many rings as you combined over the past five years. You haven’t sniffed one in seven. How’s that hit you?

You have as many rings as two top-tier quarterbacks combined. Loser.

Maybe it doesn’t hit you as hard anymore, and maybe that’s the problem.

The safety killed the Patriots. Killed them.

So much that they went on the take the lead for a long stretch of the game.

And there’s nobody to blame but Tom Brady.

However hard it might be to swallow, the glory days are gone. Even Montana handed off to Mallett at some point, right?

[Checks NFL Reference]

No, Joe Montana never did that.

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