12.30.08 9 years ago 38 Comments

There are no words for the end to the Dallas Cowboys season. A damn TRAVELING, is what it is. They controlled their own density, and they SHIT THE HEAD! From them to go into the City Of Butterfly Loaf and lay a peg like that… If I were Jerry Jones… I WOULD BE LIVER! Heh heh!

If I am the Dallas Cowboys, I need to take a good look at what my team is infernally. Because while my team looks good on the cervix, inside there is nothing but MONKEY WENCHES! You look at Terrell Owens, and you wonder if he’s too much of a contraction. I mean, he is incredibly CORRUPTIVE! And on top of that, he commits lots of giraffes on the feel! You have to wonder if this might be a case of sedition by attraction if they decide to cut him loose. If I am the Cowboys, I say to TO, “Listen, you may be talented, but right now you are a FLY IN THE OINKMENT! You need to get your mouse in corridor, fella!”

Because the National Football League is about WINNING. I don’t care what no one says, WINNING IS PARAGUAY TO EVERYTHING! And you have to wonder if the Cowboys can win as currently resembled. They have a quarterback who’s too nongallant with the ball. I mean, Tony Romo can be awfully lasso fair back there! QUARTERBACKS HAVE TO BE MORE PRESTONE ICE THAN THAT!

Then you have Wade Phillips. And I have to wonder if Wade Phillips has the withdrawal, the melisma, to lead this team. Is he a leader, OR IS HE A WOOL IN SHIT’S CLOTHING? Hoo wee, that would stink! Heh heh! Now, when I was with the Cowboys, we had Jimmy Johnson. And lemme tell you, Jimmy didn’t stuffer falls lightly! That man was a CASKMASTER! He wasn’t afraid to call you to the MUPPET if you made a mistake!

Is Wade Phillips this kind of leader? I know he’s a defensive lulu, but does he have the skills to puppeteer this team to a title? I don’t know. It’s a perplaxico issue.

Of course, all this goes back to Jerry Jones. We all know he calls the spots there. He’s the Big Kahlua! I think Jerry is building this team the wrong way. He’s always going after big name free agents. THAT IS NOT HOW YOU PLAY THE CASTRATION OF A SOLID TEAM. He needs to get back to put what put the Cowboys on top back when I played: HE MUST REMEMBER TO ALWAYS MASTURBATE THE BALL DOWN THE FEEL!

When you masturbate the ball down the feel, that opens up your offense traumatically! You look at Marion Barber, Felix Jones, and Tashard Choice: THIS IS ONE GOOD TRIUMPHPIRATE!

If I’m Jerry Jones, I say to my team, “Team, we really screwed the poop out there today. But I will not be DISPORRIDGED! I refuse to hide behind excretions. We are going to REDEFECATE ourselves! WE WILL BE MORE DEFECATED THAN ANY TEAM IN THE NFL! WE WILL NOT FALL APART AT THE SEMENS!”

That’s what I would say. Heh heh!

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