The Five Grinchiest Comics About Christmas

12.02.11 6 years ago

It’s an axiom, whether you live in the 616 or the DC Multiverse: Christmas kind of blows if you’re a superhero, and especially if you’re a supervillain.
Oh, sure, we’ve got the usual heartwarming stories about Superman saving an orphan from a tree or whatever, but most people with superpowers can look forward to a curbstomping by the Hulk, Lobo shooting you in the face, or something else that doesn’t really inspire joy in the season.
So we thought we’d collect the funniest lousy Christmases in comics for you, the reader.
Because let’s face it, these aren’t as far from the truth as we’d like to think.

This is the one where Lobo kills Santa. Believe it or not, this is near the bottom of the list for a reason. There’s also the sequel, where Lobo convinces a little girl it’s her fault he killed Santa. Lobo is awesome horrible.
This, arguably the greatest achievement of Peter David as a humorist, features the Hulk and a manic-depressive Rhino in a Santa suit, beating the crap out of each other in a mall. It’s even funnier than it sounds, because it goes from amusingly silly to uproariously unhinged in about the space of two pages, starting around the time the Rhino flings a whiny little brat into the stratosphere, only to be rescued by the Hulk. Who identifies himself as “the spirit of beatings yet to come.”
Why this hasn’t been preserved as a national treasure, we have no idea.
Yes, that would be an evil Santa Claus robot made out of an Ultron 6. This is from the Marvel 2005 Christmas Special, and features lines like “Merry Christmas. Neural disruption for all!”
Just…trust us that this cover is not the worst thing in this book. As you may have noticed by the artist, there are some artistically confused panels. Including one infamous one that looks, very much, like everyone’s favorite homophobic right-wing ’80s professional wrestler raped Santa.
This features Tommy Monaghan, the one good thing to come out of “Bloodlines”, hunting down a radioactive homicidal maniac.
Also it’s a parody of “The Night Before Christmas.”
No, really.
Any favorites from you, dear reader?

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