The Jaguars Want YOU To Be Their Newest Season Ticket Holder

07.09.09 8 years ago 45 Comments

“I used my Jaguars Reward card to make myself look like a total douche, and it was easy!

The Jacksonville Jaguars, in an effort to attract more season ticket holders, are offering a Jaguars Rewards program that will offer them discounts through supportive local businesses.

“The Jacksonville Jaguars are offering local businesses free advertising to help increase profits during these hard times. It’s fast, easy and free. All that’s required is a valuable offer for Jaguars Season Ticketholders, such as: Buy one entrée get a second one 1/2 off, or 25% off of your next dry cleaning bill.”

That’s right, a second entrée for half the price. That’ll give Fatty McNotickets something to think about. And remember, those are just two examples of the great deals waiting for you. Continue after the jump for more advantages of of the rewards program.

• 25% off of face paint and hair dye from the Make Believe costume shop of Jacksonville (teal only).

• One leisurely walking tour of Jacksonville (bring comfortable shoes, a sleeping bag, and enough food and water to last 10 days).

• Buy one season ticket and get a minority ownership stake in the franchise.

• 10% off at any of the Jacksonville area’s 18 Waffle House locations.

• One FREE tire balancing (offer not valid if your wheels won’t take a balance, road king package available for a moderate price).

• 15% off of your first visit to Silky Garrard‘s Pleasure Emporium. Gratuity not included.

• FREE circumcision performed by Jacksonville’s own Tim Tebow (no brises)

• FREE dead hooker removal (limit one per card holder). Have a dead hooker on your hands? Let the city of Jacksonville handle the pickup and disposal with all the discretion you demand with this one time only offer. It sure beats trusting the job to your blabbermouth fifth-grade son like some Eatonville degenerate.

What kind of discounts would it take for you to sign up to be a Jacksonville Jaguars season ticket holder? Let us know in the comments.

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