Theismann says ‘aloha’ to his golf cart?

08.04.09 8 years ago 34 Comments

An anonymous reader sent in the following story about Joe Theismann and his supposed antics on a Hawaiian golf course. We can’t vouch for its authenticity, but it’s a good read nonetheless….

Here’s a story you guys might enjoy. This happened 9 years ago:

After high school I decided to take a year off before going to college. My parents moved to Hawaii, so I figured I would bum around the islands for a year and have some fun. I ended up getting a part time job at one of the golf resorts as a bag boy. The job entailed putting people’s golf bags on carts and cleaning their clubs and putting them in storage once they were done with their round. The resort was known for having tons of celebrities around, especially sports celebrities. One day in January, which is the peak of the season, Joe Theismann shows up at the resort. He comes over to me and hands me his receipt. I take one quick look at it for his name to locate his clubs in our storage area, and I almost keel over from the reek of alcohol on his breath. While I’m grabbing his clubs a lady who’s a regular at our course starts chatting him up. They decide to play together, so I start walking to the golf cart where her bag is. Joe yells out “I want my own cart.” Probably noticing that he is drunk, she tries to get him to agree to ride together, but he keeps demanding his own cart. I end up putting his bag on his own cart and off they went.

About 45 minutes later, one of the guys from the pro shop comes down and tells me there’s been an accident with a golf cart on the 4th hole and he asked me to go check it out. He said that I need to tow a cart out there with me too. I get out there and sure enough it was Joe Theismann. He had driven his cart into the lava rocks and got it stuck. It wasn’t just one front tire in the rocks, it was the whole front end, and the front axle was lodged between two lava rocks- he had to be going pretty fast to get it as stuck as he had it. The real kicker was there were about 6 empty beer bottles in the back of his cart already. I put all of his stuff in the new golf cart I brought him and hooked up the tow car to the one in the rocks. I asked him if he would drive the tow car while I try to dislodge the cart from the rocks and he says to me “Not my problem buddy,” and drives off. Now, if you ever find yourself having to work in lava rock, just walk away. It’s sharp and pointy and very tough to balance on when trying to move anything in it and it’s easy to lose your balance and cut yourself. It took me a good 45 minutes to get that dang cart out. I spent the rest of the day in sweaty clothes and scratches all over my arms and legs from the rocks, and when he came in he didn’t even leave a tip (during peak season we would average $5-$10 tip per golf cart). I didn’t see him ever again during his stay at the resort, and I am glad I didn’t.

Even if this story is true, we don’t think it’s anything Thees should be embarrassed about. I mean who hasn’t got ‘faced on a golf course and wrecked a cart? And what’s the point of being a NFL College Football Hall of Famer and all around big shot if you can’t throw your weight around a little every now and then?

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