There Is So Much Stupid Here

07.25.13 4 years ago 35 Comments

Tom Orsborn, a Cowboys reporter for San Antonio Express-News of 20 years, might be a decent enough guy. I have no prior familiarity with his work. All I know is his hot sports take posted above found its way into my Twitter feed last night and my brain is still hemorrhaging.

What Orsborn is insinuating with this tweet is that it JUST AIN’T RIGHT that Michael Irvin is forced to interview Tony Romo. That implication is silly on its face given that Michael Irvin is presently an employee of a broadcast media company that covers football and Tony Romo plays one of the most tirelessly covered positions in sports, quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys.

But let’s unpack the inanity further, shall we? Orsborn consults the great Super Bowl ring scoreboard and returns to inform us that Michael Irvin possesses more championship rings than Tony Romo. You don’t say? Everybody knows the inviolate rule of NFL player decorum dictates that any time a player is in the presence of another player who owns more Super Bowl rings, he must anoint the champion’s feet and, at the very least, offer a blowjob. But there’s Romo just going about the interview like everything is just fine and dandy. What callous disregard of history. There are rules for a reason, Tony. Jeez.

Oh, and get this: did you know that clownfraud Tony Romo makes more money than Michael Irvin ever made at any point in his career? It’s true. No, that has nothing to do with the fact that NFL salaries in general have hiked considerably in the 14 years since Michael Irvin retired. Because they are always on the rise. It doesn’t matter that whoever the Cowboys franchise quarterback is 15 years from now will almost certainly make more money than any player in franchise history, even if he is only just slightly above average compared to his peers. Nope. None of that matters. IT’S A MISCARRIAGE OF FOOTBALL JUSTICE, PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

Is Michael Irvin an objectively greater player than Tony Romo? Even if the business of comparing the value of players at different positions in different eras is always a clunky affair, I feel confident in saying yes, he is. Irvin is a Hall of Famer, whereas Romo, barring an unforeseen streak of greatness and late-season clutchitude in the final years of his career, will not be enshrined in Canton.

But Irvin is just a member of the media now. And he’s at Cowboys camp doing his job. He’s representing NFL Network, not some bullshit ideal of a True Cowboy, which apparently involves more Super Bowl victories and more stabbing your teammate with scissors than Romo has displayed this far in his NFL career.

Obviously, Orsborn just wanted to snipe at Romo because that’s admittedly a pretty fun thing to do. But here’s the thing: you don’t need to present some meaningless juxtaposition to do it. Give Tony Romo enough time, and he’ll give you something to laugh at him about. You don’t really need to pick on the guy like that. Tom Orsborn did the worst thing of all: he made me feel kinda bad for Tony Romo.

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