“These Third Grade B*tches Are So Full of Themselves. I Need to Find Some Younger Action.”

08.23.11 6 years ago 50 Comments

Tex Tweet1: Matt Leinart’s son to him after AM walkthrough: “Dad, that was the lamest practice EVER.” less than a minute ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® Favorite Retweet Reply

KSK’s favorite nutmeg evangelist, Peter King, spent yesterday tooling around Texans camp in search of the type of Munchakian nuggets that made this week’s MMQB column so devastatingly depressing to Titans fans. And what was PK able to deliver to his adoring public? That Wade Phillips awards raisin roundies (his special no-raisin recipe!) for each pass deflection? Not even! Instead, we got a bratty quote from Cole Cameron Leinart, son of quarterbacking virtuoso Matt, that fully illustrates that the apple doesn’t fall far from the apple-scented Axe body spray tree.

Ignoring the sad fact that it might be PK’s best piece of original reportage all year, we were left to wonder what other kinds of things Lil’ Leinart is saying. Follow us on a thought experiment in which we use a small child as a vehicle to make cruel jokes about his father. You won’t feel scummy at all!

“Saw Suri Cruise in People. Threre’s a chick that needs a dickin’.”

“Just passed you on the depth chart, dad. LOL”

“No, I won’t introduce you to my classmates.”

“Why doesn’t Hollister sell Texans jerseys? You should get on that.”

“Can I go out for the parkour team?”

“Remember when we played catch in the yard and you were confused by the route I ran? I DIDN’T EVEN RUN A ROUTE! I STOOD RIGHT THERE!”

“Peep this sick tribal tat. If she asks, tell mom it’s temporary. If she asks again, deny deny deny. That’s Jersey Shore Ronnie wisdom.”

“C’mon, not again. The Busy World of Richard Scarry stresses me out. It really needs to be more chill.”

“At what age do you know if you’re gay? What? No reason.”

“You’ll always be better than Max Hall to me, dad.”

“Say you were a kid and you got a teenager pregnant. Which team doctor would take care of that for you?”

“I brought you your bench pad. Now can I have three grand to go to the mall?”

“No fair. I bet Vince Young’s kids got jetskis for Christmas.”

“No way. Santa Claus isn’t real. You know who’s real? Lil’ Wayne. He’s REAL.”

“Owen Daniels refused to buy me booze. Don’t throw him any more passes. Okay, if you get in the game, don’t throw him any more passes.”

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