They Stab! They Rape! They Stab and Stab and Rape! Stab Stab Stab! Rape Rape Rape! It’s the Merriman and Ray-Ray Shoooooowwwwww!

09.20.09 8 years ago 72 Comments


LaToeInjury has shocked the football world by picking a time other than the playoffs to be injured, so Tiny Darren will have to slip beneath the murderous implements of the Ravens defense today. The Chargers will also be missing center Nick Hardwick, so Norv will have to abandon all those grand plans to run Sproles up the gut at Haloti Ngata. Marmalard, meanwhile, was fined late this week for taunting Raiders defensive tackle Gerard Warren in the second half of their Week 1 game.


Ray-Ray’s spastic dances after jumping on piles or Rivers berating everyone in sight? There may not be enough announcer scorn to go around.

In other late-game action:

  • The Steelers and Bears spot each other a defensive centerpiece being out. The Steelers want to establish some semblance of a running game while Cutler might desire to cut down on the back-breaking turnovers. No, don’t deny me the Sulk-SMIRRE contrast, Jay!
  • Michael Silver broke the news that Eric Mangini fined a Browns player $1,701 for not paying for a $3 water bottle at a hotel during a preseason trip. At some point during the Cleveland-Denver game, I fully expect both teams to turn on their respective morale-crushing coaches, all while Brandon Stokley grittily steals into the endzone.
  • The 49ers and Seahawks battle for first place in the NFC West. I actually find this an intriguing contest, but my East Coast bias prevents me from saying so. Big storyline: WILL MATT HASSELBECK BE DOGGED BY NOT LIKING THE INFORMANT LAST NIGHT!?
  • [Gets drunk quickly to avoid having to come up with something noteworthy about the Bucs and the Bills]

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