Is there any worse workplace crime than stealing your coworker’s lunch? First of all, I don’t know why you’d even want to steal some random lunch because who knows if the person even washed their hands before preparing it, or if their house is dirty, but maybe that’s just me being a germaphobe. But those people who do steal food from coworkers — whether it’s a yogurt cup or string cheese or sandwich or leftover — are some of the lowest forms of humanity.
That’s what makes this story so deliciously (pun intended) enjoyable. On Reddit’s Justice Porn subreddit, a man who goes by Toastedchillies tells the story of how every day, he lovingly prepares his (very lucky) wife a homemade lunch, only to have it regularly stolen from her office refrigerator before she has the chance to eat it. Pay attention to his username, because that’s going to come in very important as to how he caught the thief.
I’m a bit of a chilli head. Love my hot sauces. I also love to cook. I also cook my wife a delicious lunch each day, She kept complaining that someone was stealing her lunch every couple of days out of the fridge at work. So I made her some buffalo wings for lunch to put in the fridge. They are really popular with her colleagues, but I spiced them up just a little with some Blair’s 4am Reserve. (I note you are meant to dilute it with 1 drop per 5 litres of liquid.)
So I added a couple of drops of Blairs 4am Reserve per wing with nice dusting of Ghost chilli powder for good measure. I did eat a couple to make sure it didn’t kill anybody, they were real hot. Even cream doesn’t cut the heat: and Ghost chillies keep getting hotter for about 5 minutes.
Needless to say just before lunch, there was a shrill from the kitchen, a young male colleague decided to help himself the my wife’s lunch which was clearly marked with her name. He ran to the toilet and vomited over and over. Apparently the moans sounded like he was dying. My wife just sat there innocently pretending nothing was wrong. Needless to say she has not lost a single lunch since.
According to BroBible, Blair’s 4am Reserve (which you can read about here) is apparently one of the hottest — if not the hottest — hot sauces known to man. Think Tabasco is hot? Blair’s 4am Reserve is literally 7,476 times spicier than Tabasco, coming in at 16 million Scoville units.
Toastedchillies posted in the comments that the thief was one and a half wings in before he knew what happened to him, so his bathroom experience the next morning was probably almost as enjoyable. If you need further reason why you shouldn’t steal your coworker’s lunch, “unbearable rectal pain” should be pretty high up on the list.
Here’s a video of some brave soul sampling Blair’s 4am Reserve. Spoiler alert, it doesn’t work out so well for him. Via BroBible
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