OK, you’re the shadiest of shady lawyers and your “Instragram’s Biggest Playboy” d-bag client grabbed a porn star by the vagina and threw her off a roof, breaking her foot, and now she’s threatening to sue — how would you get your client off, and I don’t mean the near-constant handjob of his ego? That was the issue facing Dan Bilzerian’s lawyer, until inspiration struck: THE SHIRT.
Total Frat Move, via Gawker, obtained the letter written by Scumbag Saul Goodman to Griffith’s counsel, and it’s amazing. A brief excerpt:
If she sues, the complaint will be sanctionably frivolous. Your client should just box up almost every last bit of her property (please exclude all videos and photographs, as well as the seemingly inevitable small yappy dog) and drop it off with you in safe keeping for Mr. Bilzerian. After he receives the judgment in his favor, he will have it all delivered to him. Then he will probably blow it up with a mortar in the desert.
Read the whole thing below, but just know that I’d like To Kill a Mockingbird a lot more if Atticus Finch had used the #fatpussies defense.
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