This Score Don’t Define Me! I Define Me!

06.04.09 8 years ago 15 Comments

DeAngelo Hall: Can someone just explain this to me. Just take a minute and break this down for me, real basic-like – How does someone drop off from a 93 to a 68 IN ONE YEAR!? A year ago, I was 93 in Madden. All right, all right – I had a bad go with the Raiders. I didn’t fit their system. I can understand a slight dropoff. But you’re telling me I lost a quarter of my ability in one year? ONE YEAR!? Get outta here with that sheeit.

You know what? That’s cool. I’mma do me. Bust my ass this year. You’ll see. Get ready for The Takeover. We gonna see who’s a 68 level corner. NOT ME, THAT’S FOR GOT DAMN SURE.

Ethan Albright: Hey, hey, take it easy. I know where you’re coming from. A few years back they had me as the lowest rated player in the game. I mean, I know have very specialized skills, but I do them well. There’s no way I was the worst player in the league. I showed them, I went to a Pro Bowl later on. I’ll admit that at the time, it honked me off good. But you gotta remember, it’s all about perception. These programming guys, they don’t play the game. They don’t know how to scout talent and who’s really good. They’re a bunch of dorks who spend all their time watching cartoons and eating strawberried peanut butter M&M’s.

Hall: So how’m I supposed to get that perception back in my favor?

Albright: You have to do something to appeal to the dorks.

Hall: Keyboard cat playing me off the field?

Albright: I don’t know if that’s gonna cast you in a better light. I took a different approach, something wholly different from the football field. I did a voice on South Park.

Yep, I did the voice of Scott Tenorman on South Park. Legendary show in the series. Got me nerd cred like you wouldn’t believe. And look, I’m not the lowest rated player in the game anymore.

Hall: Hmm. That’s interesting. But here’s the thing: I’ve already done some of that. I was a voice on the popular Saturday morning cartoon show “C Bear and Jamal.”

It was like Bebe’s Kids, if they didn’t say any bad words and had a sassy talking bear that helped them in their adventures. I even tried to have the show called D-Hall and Jamal. It was a trip. That does sound better though, right?

Albright: Little bit.

Hall: That’s what I said!

Listen, I was just messing with you. I didn’t voice any cartoon character. A bunch of blogs wrote about my low rating and I’m sure those programming dudes read a bunch blogs and so they rectified it in the next year’s installment

Hall: Yeah, I didn’t do any voice acting for any cartoons either.

Albright: I can tell. It says “Starring Tone Loc” right there on the box.


So why do you carry around the box, anyway?

Hall: This is what I spend my time watching instead of playing Madden. ‘Cause they bumped my score down.

Albright: Wouldn’t that time be better spent practicing or hitting the gym?

Hall: Damn, dude. You sound just like Lane Kiffin.


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