The holidays are the absolute worst when you’re a teenager, as your relatives awkwardly try to interact with you by asking the same goddamn questions over and over again. This is also true at any age when approaching a major life event. For instance, when I got engaged a few years back, I considered just wearing a sign that said “YES I AM EXCITED ALREADY FOR F*CK’S SAKE.” Thankfully I am now in my 30s and barring a decision to procreate I mostly get left alone — however one teenager from Rockland, NY isn’t so lucky.
So in an absolutely brilliant move that I totally wish I had thought of first, 17-year-old Arianna Simon devised a way to keep the repetitive questions at bay by handing out these convenient pamphlets to her relatives.
Here’s the full text:
If you refrain from asking me these questions that I have nicely provided you the answers to, we will have a happy and loving holiday season! Thank you!
College: I have not decided where I want to go to college. Ideally, I’d be at UConn. But unfortunately, I have to get in first. The average GPA is just a little bit above mine. If I do not get it, I may go to RCC and transfer.
Boyfriends: No, I do not have a boyfriend right now, regardless of what my mom and may have told you.
Age: I turned 17 in October.. yes, I know time flies. I have gotten taller, that happens when you grow up.
Relatives: You might be my third cousin, but no- I do not remember you.
May her holiday wish of not having to make banal small talk come true for all of us.