This Week in F–k You: Twitter Reaction Posts

02.12.13 5 years ago 30 Comments

I won’t pretend to be morally opposed to clickbait. Chances are, any website that wants to make money has to engage in it to some degree. KSK and Uproxx are no different. We have slideshows and dumb clicky stuff, too. Gotta pay the bills.

That said, I absolutely loathe Twitter reaction posts. HATE HATE HATE them. Nothing smacks of a desperate attempt by a website to glom onto the interest generated by a significant cultural event quite like them. Not to mention, they’re incredibly lazy. “Hey, I embedded tweets that 20 other people took the time to cleverly craft, slapped a couple sentences of set-up at the top and hit publish. I might as well be printing money!”

Come up with your ideas rather than profiting off the cleverness of others, you worthless f*ck.

Look, I understand the potential utility behind the “Twitter reacts” concept. Try as they might, people can’t be on Twitter all the time. Sometimes you have boring real life shit to do, then something big happens in the world and you miss that window to tweet about it before everyone gets bored with the story. It’s also possible that someone you don’t follow has a witty thing to say about an event in question and you’d like to see it.

While these posts promise to give you the best reaction from social media to a given happening, they almost always fail in execution. One issue is that humor, obviously, is subjective. Most likely, I’m not going to agree with you on what was the best joke about the Pope retiring. So the people who churn out these reaction posts go as broad as possible with their inclusions. What ends up happening is they put together an amalgamation of tweets by celebrities and well-known comedians, with a few obscure accounts tossed in (usually it’s people that the author happens to follow). Sorry, most big-name comedians suck on Twitter, and celebrities seldom have interesting things to say. You’re mainly reacting to their celebrity itself. And f*ck parody accounts. If your Twitter recap post has reaction from parody accounts, you’re just doubling down on wasting everyone’s time. At no point in my day am I thinking, “AWWW DAMN, WHAT DOES DRUNK HULK HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THIS!?” If I gave a shit about a parody account’s takes on pop culture events, I’d follow it. There’s a reason I don’t.

Moreover, if you run a site that has a Twitter reaction post to six news stories a week, you’re nothing but a goddamn traffic whore. You are the barnacles of the Internet. I hope you die broke and alone, your obit unshared across all social media platforms.

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