Some people are #TeamLand > #TeamOcean, but a lesser known, yet equally important, matchup is #TeamHot > #TeamCold. It’s why people willingly move to the convict-ridden swampland known as Florida. When was the last time someone in Miami got so drunk that they passed out in -30 degrees Celsius weather? Never, because that kind of unspeakable horror (because it’s too cold to speak) happens in Canada, where an Australian tourist got “way too wastey-pants one night in a new town trying to make some friends and settle in. I was blackout drunk by midnight, with no phone, no money and no idea where I was and I couldn’t find my way home.”
The picture above is Imgur user TheBassistsMuse and her “friends a few hours before I disappeared. (I’m in the middle) Last I was seen was 2.30am. Now don’t mistake for this for a sob story, there’s no complaining here. Just pure unadulterated idiocy. I went full retard.”
And she paid the price.
This was the photo of my fingers about 20 minutes after i was found.
Apparently a symptom of hypothermia is tiredness. So i was found in a ball trying to sleep.
My fingers were also notably purple.
It was 5.45am when i was found.
At 6.30 a nurse told me that best case scenario i keep my fingers. Worst case, i lose my hands.
High off my tits on morphine, still pretty drunk and alone in another country getting that nice little tidbit of information was pretty f*cking terrifying.
And a game of blisters and trying to open shit with your elbows.
The next few days i was taken care of at the hospital by some fucking insanely cool nurses and doctors. Everyone wanted to check out my sweet blisters and find out how long an Aussie can withstand the cold before almost dying.
Apparently 3 hours is pretty piss-weak.
The rest of the photos are too NSFL to share, but you can see them here. Be sure to take note of her moral of the story, including “try not to get blackout drunk,” and that her specialist’s name was Dr. Freezin. DR. FREEZIN. The profession called to him like plumbing to Gene Crappington.
For more on the “piss-weak” Australian’s predicament, here’s a hot (rather than cold) take from Tom and AJ at The Desk:
Via Imgur