A Tie Is Technically Worse Than A Loss – A Modest Proposal

11.24.13 4 years ago 25 Comments

Lots of folks saying a tie is like kissing your sister which is hilarious as it ever was and also very true but Im here to tell you its much much worse.

Lots of folks saying a tie is like kissing your sister which is hilarious as it ever was and also very true but Im here to tell you its much much worse.

Folks Im still staring at my screen my jaw is literally on the floor. What should of been a classic slugfest between two of the NFLs oldest franchises turned into the worst example of what modern sports has to offer as the Packers and the Vikings played to basically a 0-0 tie.

A tie is worse then a loss because it shows that you didnt care enough to do something big enough to win or loose the game. Remember when we “tied” World War 2 or 1776, or when Al Gore “tied” George Bush? Yeah me either. A tie basically puts both teams a game back of each other in the division, and it literally sends a socialist message to your fans that we’re all even, I’m suprised that all the players didnt get a free cellphone and WIC cards after walking off the field to be honest.

My sources told me that noted Road Graders John Kuhn and Toby Gerhardt tried to organize both there teams to Cowboy Up and finish the game irregardless of whether it would of counted after the final OT whistle sounded, but the idea was nixed by Leslie Frazier who already had three fingers worth of cognac in him. Coach Ditka must be spinning in his grave. Can you imagine what a treat it would of been for the Green Bay fans who paid the price of admission to walk out of the stadium knowing for certain if they should light a deer carcass on fire out of happiness or if they should do it out of sorrow?

While this I realize its probly not realistic to get both the teams to continue playing the game for the love of the sport after the final whistle sounds, especially given how long it would take for most of the WRs to put all there arm bands and straps back on after showering. So I came up with double overtime rules that they should put in for the fans sake.

  • Its 7 on 7 drills: 5 O-linemen a QB and a RB vs. 4 D-Linemen and 3 LBs. It distills the game down to its most pure form 
  • If the game is still tied after 10 minutes, a fan from each team is brought to the sidelines and gets to call the plays you can call it the Dr. Pepper 10- 10 minute drill for Men as a sponsorship or something
  • After another 10 minutes you turn it into a penalty kick shootout but with linemen taking all the kicks without there helmets so the fans can “get to know” there favorite players from the trenches. Start out taking 5 kicks a piece from 20 yds and back up 5 yds every time.
  • If no one can make a field goal thats when Roger Goodell can pull a masterful mindtrick and should announce that “We’re officially declaring the game a tie,,” and then whichever team is more pissed off about having to end the game with a tie actualy ends up getting the win.

Between ties and not being aloud to blast the thoughts out of a WRs skull anymore we might as well be playing soccer out there folks. Next thing you know we’ll be scoring division games on aggregate and forgetting to say “no offense” when we chant racist things or throw fruit at black players and there’s no place for that in todays post-racial world folks.

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