Try to Tackle the Juice and He’ll Cut Your Ass

07.24.07 10 years ago 34 Comments

Remember OJ? He’s back! In pog video game form!

You might have heard about this new game, All-Pro Football 2K8 (that’s gamer language for “Too Kate” — which I assume is a a tender dedication from the game’s programmer to e-lover). It’s the one that couldn’t get licensing from the NFL so they simply created their own fictional franchises and stocked the rosters with former NFL legends. While the game’s cover features such respectable citizens as John Elway, Jerry Rice, and Barry Sanders (very careful to put the white guy in the middle) the real star is on the inside…

(watch it all, the highlight comes at the very end).

Now let’s recap…

You’ve got OJ Simpson in a video game. Fair enough.

You make OJ the star player on a team called The Assassins. Pretty Questionable.

Your mascot for the Assassins is a giant, hooded, knife-wielding maniac who celebrates touchdowns with a stabbing motion? Bellissimo!

I find this intriguing and I believe it’s my duty to expand on the idea. Here are my suggestions for All-Pro Football 2K9 (e-bestiality is not cool!)…

Rae Carruth
The Toofers

Ricky Williams
The Bong Squad


Mark Chmura
The Predators

Jerramy Stevens and Leonard Little*
The Breathalyzerz
Mascot and Logo:

*at least one of them should be out of the league by then.

We welcome your Player/Team/Mascot (and/or logo) suggestions in the comments.

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