Back when Tucker Max was becoming famous for insisting being a sexist as$hole was totally awesome and he was totally amazing instead of just another frat bro, a lot of people were waiting for that moment when he realized everybody was laughing at him, not with him.
That moment was when the movie version of “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell” came out and, well, sucked. Max shut down his startup Rudius Media, although exactly why is kind of up in the air, and largely disappeared. And then he discovered there are only so many stories of getting drunk and pooping yourself you can sell before people start thinking you’re pathetic, and that even offering half a million dollars to Planned Parenthood to get an abortion clinic named after you won’t make you Howard Stern.
So now he’s trying to be an incredibly entitled white person who condescendingly offers you advice. To give you an idea of the tone of his new blog, here’s the header image:
Leaving aside the incredible irony of a misogynist as$hole like Tucker Max quoting one of the great Stoic philosophers, the first piece is pretty much just Max and Nils Parker rewriting the same screed against going to law school actual lawyers, CNN fluff columnists, and even the freaking American Bar Association have been blogging for years. Even Gawker has been on this kick lately; Max is pretty late to the party.
Here are a few samples of Max’s wit and wisdom:
Of all reasons to go to law school, this is the worst by a large margin. Know who else likes arguing? Sports talk radio hosts, cable news talking heads and teenaged girls—i.e., idiots.
Amazingly, this was not followed by a joke about airline food.
It is 2012, if you still allow yourself to be misled by the bullshit on TV, it means you are either very naive or an unrecoverable moron, and you should immediately drown yourself in the nearest toilet to save the world the frustration of having to deal with you and your stupidity.
This from the author of “Assholes Finish First.”
Beyond that, this reason belies an assumption: That you have to get a job. When you finish school, everyone knows about the two most obvious options: 1. Get a job working for someone else or 2. Get more schooling. But there is a third option: Carve your own path in the world. This can take many different forms, like starting a company. Or it could take the form of many other sorts of lifehacking activities.
Just for the record here: Max is the son of a successful Miami area restauranteur. Basically Max’s third option boils down to “start your own company” (that’s what he means by “other sorts of lifehacking activities,” he links to what amounts to running an online web store), because everybody wants to do that and it’s totally easy. This is a wordier version of Mitt Romney telling college students to move in with their parents and borrow twenty grand to start their own company.
Don’t be me. Don’t go to law school. Go do something with your life that you’ll enjoy, is rewarding and productive and makes the world a better place.
…Nah, too easy.
Still, we’re glad Max has chosen the Gwyneth Paltrow route for the rest of his life. Because, really, we can never have enough entitled white people to laugh at.
(Image via Randy Stewart on Flickr)