Von Miller’s Got Friends in Loo Places

09.22.13 4 years ago 3 Comments

When possible hipster Von Miller received a 6 game suspension, there were more questions than answers. Miller had never been suspended under the league’s drug policy, but Goodell and the NFL’s investigation branch were clearly pushing for an 8 game suspension or longer. People thought it might have been for pot or MDMA, but given the length of the suspension there were also questions about the collection process.

It came to light today that the long suspension has more to do with Miller “corrupting the league’s drug testing program with the help of a ‘star-struck’ urine collector” (files under “strong fantasy team names”), and if that’s the case I’d hate to see this guy moonlight as Vivid pictures STD tester. The League’s just a bit old fashioned. They need their urine collectors to be above reproach from a integrity standpoint. There is also concern from the league that this goes deeper than one rogue guy who watches other guys urinate, a conspeeracy if you will.

They claim that no money changed hands but that makes no sense whatsoever unless the urine collector just tried to help Von get away with it just for the love of the game, which is admirable but unlikely. At any rate, the NFL will probably start fining their urine collectors now and we can look forward to Ed Werder’s inevitable media stakeout of a Quest Diagnostics employee’s Newark apartment.

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