We get a lot of weird stuff in the UPROXX tipline, so when this email came through this afternoon — accompanied by several high res photos of a mouse turd on a piece of cheese and a YouTube link — I almost didn’t even click on it. But boy am I glad I did. The note read:
Hey guys got a tip for ya found mouse poop in my lunchables thought I would share
thought it would be something you could share Im sure alot of kids are out there eating turds and not even knowing it [sic]
The video, which is nearly two minutes long, features a grown ass man having a borderline temper tantrum over the fact that he found a mouse turd in his Lunchable. Not once does it seem to occur to him that he is a grown ass man eating a Lunchable, which is the divine beauty of this video. At the end he even goes so far as to say that he “won’t be eating any Lunchables again,” confirming that this was not an isolated Lunchables-consuming incident.
Of course Lunchables have mouse turds in them. They are the lowest form of processed food, which is why people should only feed them to children.
I know I shouldn’t be, but somehow I am just so happy that this man exists. (Warning, language NSFW)
OMG, I just realized that there’s a minute-long follow up. If you’re keeping count, this is nearly three minutes now that this adult man has devoted to spreading the message of a mouse turd in his Lunchable. Incredible.