‘We Went From No Quarterbacks To So Many Quarterbacks”

12.18.12 5 years ago 41 Comments

COOCH, when we drafted RGIII, I assumed it would be at least two years before the Burgundy and Gold returned to GLOREEE on Super Bowl Sundee. I figured, “you have to keep realistic expectations.” Let the kid mature, y’know. Sure, we knew he was already a top five QB in the league when he stepped on the field Week 1 but we also knew the supporting cast just wasn’t there yet. If the NFL didn’t have it out for the Danny with that salary cap bullsh*t, we’d have Vincent Jackson right now and homefield advantage. It’s not fair!

But the more we watch, it’s plain as day that the ‘Skins are back… ahead of schedule! It doesn’t even matter who is around him, because RGIII is that good. Sure, they lose a lot when Garcon doesn’t play and make incredible catches, but that’s like a fluke or something. And Kirk Cousins! He’s so good, too, COOCH. Last year, we had Grossman and the Mormon and it was awful. CLASSIC D.C. FAN SUFFERING! THE NATION NEEDED THE ‘SKINS TO BE RELEVANT AGAIN! And now they are! RGIII is the star of the league. He sold the most jerseys. We are a marquee franchise again!

Oh, by the way: There was a guy in a movie I saw the other weekend wearing a Nats hat! In a movie! D.C. is on the map, COOCH. We are the envy of every sports market because of our budding young superstars. Bryce Harper and RGIII, baby! There is no equal. Warrrrshington may have spent 20 years roaming the championship desert, but we hit paydirt with these guys. We’re talking multi-sport titles. Maybe even annually. And, I dunno, the Wiz could eventually not be terrible and oh yeah, I guess we cared about hockey for a while. How are the Caps doing this season!?

I want to stress that there’s still a chance that this won’t be our year. Not just yet. If you ask me, I say it doesn’t even matter. We weren’t supposed to be this good yet. We’re playing with house money. Next year, the ‘Skins are gonna be even better. Now that we’re only, like, one piece away. But I know we will definitely get that one missing piece. How do I know? Because we got Cousins, THE ULTIMATE TRADEBAIT. No way we don’t get minimum one first-round pick for Cousins. I was listening to LaVar and Dukes and they said Arizona for Larry Fitzgerald is a solid possibility. I BUY IT. WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR!? FITTY WANTS OUT! PULL THE TRIGGER, BRUCE ALLEN!

Now, Larry Fitzgerald is gonna cost a lot of money so we’ll probably have to part with Josh Morgan. Miami needs a receiver. No way they aren’t handing over at least a third rounder for a quality wideout like Josh. We use that to get a corner in the draft and this team is instantly loaded. I don’t wanna get ahead of myself and start talking dynasty, so I’ll just wait until the moves happen.

Anyway, gotta run. About to hit up this Hard Times Cafe. The chili sucks but it’s a place I can hang out and grab drinks without having to go into the city.


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