White History Month – Jay Cutler

07.25.13 4 years ago 75 Comments


I’m drinking the sugarfree Cutler Koolaid bigtime folks. His careers about to take off now that he’s joined forces with maybe the best new Coach hire (besides Arians obviously) Mark Trestman. Getting rid of Lovie is addition by subtraction, which as we all know tended to be the philosophy Smith used on his challenge flags. Coach Marks a CFL guy so the Bears are going to be practicing on 120 yd CFL fields like taking warmup swings with a lead donut (only type Cutler can touch) for when they get out there on Sundays.

They call Jay “The Cat” probably because most people pretend to be allergic to him so they dont have to stand nearby. Its no suprise he’s got such a Sourpuss face either, given Kristens lazy grooming habits he probably coughs up so many hairballs DeAngelo Hall has a trophy room full of them.

Jays a guy the media loves to hate, he went to a better school then you, his wife is hotter then you, he gets to live in a city filled with adoring fans, and he has the manners of a Prince. The newborn Prince that is cuz they both spend all day sucking on boobs, whining and shitting everywhere because their bodys cant process any sugars j/k.

So is Jay Cutler Elite? Absolutely. Pound for pound hes the best QB in his division with Aaron Rogers thinking more often about whether theyll let him wear a hoop earring and a parrot next year so he can look even more like a pirate. Is he the best leader and teamate in the NFL? Without a doubt Jays a lead by example guy all you need to say is “Jason Cambell is the backup” and you automatically need to treat Jay like he’s the best QB in the history of the NFL or else you might as well put Robbie Gold back there to attempt a FG every play regardless of field position.

Its almost too ironic how Cutlers able to process a two-minute drill like a piece of cake which is much different from the way his gallbladder would handle it. With the amount of time that hes played injured its fitting thats hes never really needed a supporting cast. Truly its remarkable that Jays been able to cement himself as a Hall-Of-Famer given his primary receivers have been Eddie Royal, Brandon Marshall, Johnny Knox, back to Brandon Marshall. The only person who would kill for a fantasy lineup like that is David Carradine, thats a fact.

In the “Obama demands to see McCains black sons birth cerificate” category Jays such a good athlete he led his team in interceptions on the OTHER side of the ball as a safety in high school. Thats how you know Jays AllAmerican and not just because he has to carry insulin with him at all times but if you need a guy who can make all the throws, you can bet Jay will thread the needle.

But enough diabetes takes, except you just know that Jays bloodsugar soars anytime the Chicago media compares his natural talent to Sweetness. Jays a important figure in White History since he graduated from the Ivy League of the SEC and proven that he can get 80k people from Chicago to pull in the same direction for a winning cause from September-November once every 4 years. Thats the mark of a real community organizer and a real White History legend in the making.

Around The Web