White History Month – John Riggins

07.24.13 4 years ago 49 Comments


Today we’re all taking our caps off our heads and bottles of Wild Irish Rose to salute a White History pioneer in the NFL, Mr. John Riggins.

Riggo was such a Blue Collar lunchpail type guy that I like to have a little fun with it and call him a Factoryback. The last world-class White ball-carrier was nicknamed “The Diesel” because he was salt of the Earth and you could light his blood on fire.

There arent many good White tailbacks anymore, but you don’t see me crying racism when another promising White HB gets switched to TE or Head Coach just because of the color of his skin. If teams were smart theyd actually think about putting a pocketpassing White QB at RB,, it would be a Game Change (new wrinkle) and a much better move then putting a scrambling RB type QB in a read-option. Since Riggins retired weve only had guys like Peyton Hillis trying to carry the torch in the darkness but lets face it, if Riggo’s the Diesel then Hillis is a Scion that runs on MRSA.

Riggins will always be forever always linked to Joe Gibbs. Two of them were such a odd couple I would of loved a reality show following them around like a throwback Tebow and Gronkowski-based Hard Knocks. During one kind of zany example of good clean fun, Riggins showed up drunk to a team meeting w/ Coach Gibbs, and Riggins laid down and started just peeing straight into the air letting it land on his belly but it wasnt a distraction or anything, so Coach Gibbs just said you kind of have to let boys be boys. John also use to drink bourbon on the sidelines of games, since you dont want your primary ballcarier getting the shakes if hes a straight ahead downhill type runner, but I guess heroin withdrawl has shown to be a short-term benefit if you’ve got scatbacks like Barry Sanders or the one fella from Playmakers dancing around back there.

Another time John had a few social drinks and hit on Supreme Court Justice Sandra “Fluke” O’Connor which directly influenced her decision to vote in favor of abortions sense she might have had a little Riggo growing inside her at padlevel. If NFC East defenses couldn’t handle Riggins biting and clawing up the gut for 5 months straight theres noway Sandy could handle him in there for 9 thats a fact.

With all the hobknobbing Riggins liked to do in DC powercircles its a good thing they didnt have twitter back in those days cuz you would of seen stuff like:

@44Diesel69 DM@1stLadyNancy Hey BB,, thinkin bout tieing you up+playing a nother game of ‘forearms for hostage’s’ 2nite. You in?

Riggins was corn(whiskey)fed through and through folks, he didnt need steroids when he had $2 steaks and Bud Heavys as his PEDs. He even brought in his own RV to Redskin’s park to crack a few beers after practice with his buddies in the trenches. Would of loved to be a fly on the wall just listning to Riggo, Mark May, Rus Grimm, and Theismann half plowed, talkin football, makin all the sense in the world.

Perhaps Riggins best career stat is his Yards Per Carry mark of 3.9. This is the perfect White History average for any RB to strive for,, you keep grinding the clock and just barely moving the chains (no offense). Although he lived most of his life out of bounds Riggins played the game between the chalk and stayed North-South almost like he was giving a little inside nod to states rights with every carry. John Riggins today we salute you thanks for all you’ve done to advance the cause of White History in the NFL.

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