White History Month: Riley Cooper

07.01.14 3 years ago 106 Comments


Happy happy happy! Its White History Month again folks it felt like it was never going to get here but its time to celebrate once again. Strap on youre boat shoes, put on some vinyl and brag about your sexlife with your wife because this is YOUR month!!!

Today were celebrating a very important figure in White History- Riley Cooper.

Riley crashed last years White History month festvities on the last day of celebration. Thats right on July 31st the alleged video of a Cooper lookalike (its a possible. Think about it.) emerged that showed him telling some offcolor jokes about maybe assaulting a nosey security guard. It was pretty clear that Cooper was steamed for being left off the docket in 2013 White History Month so Im repsonding by giving him the opening Tuesday timeslot. Cooper earned it through hardwork and being the least racist White Receiver to scream racial epithets at a country music festival all year.

“The Life of Riley:”

Riley was born in in Oklahoma, overcoming a SIGNIFICANT amount of oppresson in his childhood since he was a White child in a state that literally means “Red People,,” Riley was able to respond to the systemic adversity that White people face nowdays by benig raised in states that are so bad that they named after people that they relocated there so Whites could take the good parts of the US like Florida.

Riley excersised his birthright though and quickly moved to our homeland of Clearwater Florida where he would go on to excell in Football at the University of Florida under Head Coach Suburban Meyer. He was roomates with Tim Tebow at Florida where the two of them became known as the Bible Brothers probably. Miami had the 7th floor crew well guess what, Florida had the 7th Heaven crew.

After lighting up the score board and our hearts at UF, Cooper was picked in the 5th round by the Phildelphia Eagles. He had to work his way off the bench because he was stuck behind DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin- 2 highlight players that do less between the hashmarks then they do between there ears, no offense.

Of course all every one wants to talk about is Coopers alleged run-in with a power-tripping security guard. I noticed on his Wikpedia page that Cooper doesnt have any mention what so ever about Chesney-gate 2013 so I looked up the edting history where mention of the incident has been scrubbed multiple times over the years. I apprecate this guys overall attitude towards what is and isnt news though.



Damn right. Nonetheless I check out the history of this post and their were numberous attempts to vandalize the page by putting the video on it so I figured Id clear Rileys name by adding my own contributon.



Lets all remember that this “incident” just happen to of happen of the very LAST day of White History Month last year which the timing is just so dang fishy that its hard to even beleve. This seems like a bit of tunrabout for all the times when White folks used to tell Black folks that electon day was on Febuary 29th the last day of Black History Month as a prank. I’ll admit you got us back good on that one. Fairs fair even Stevens.

You cant tell the story of Smiley Riley without telling the story of White Receivers as a whole. White receivers have been maligned for the past 20 years it seems like, and I DONT mean that they line up wrong on purpose like your Titus Youngs or your Jimmy Grahams looking for their next contracts. Theyve been gradually phased out of the air attack since the game changed from having the WR/CB matchup shift from essentially a Greco-Roman wrestling contest to a And 1 mix-tape style alley oop-a-thon.

Cooper is at the forefront of a new age of receivers that is giving hope to a generation of White youngsters who all have the dream of growing up in a society that judges them not by the color of there reflective visor and compression sleeves, but rather by the content of there lunchpail.

As if overcoming the adversity of being White wasnt enough, Cooper was forced to overcome the media feeding frenzy that ocurred after his quotes were taken out of context. Cooper did this bravley by sitting out camp for a week and then coming back and playing football again.

Riley is a great example of how to deal with unfair treatment for all of America. In the spirit of personal accountability I WILL say that you should never say the word the Cooper said but that the same time you have to admit that the word doesnt realy matter anymore in my opinion.

So our hats off to you Mr. Cooper. He truly embodys every thing that White History Month is about: Growing your hair out long, using a racial slur at a country music festvial, and then getting for giveness immediately. And to the rest of you out there Happy White History Month. Make sure to educate you’re friends and neighbors. God bless.

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