White History Month – Roger Goodell

07.29.13 4 years ago 35 Comments


Commissioner Roger Goodell has been the ray of Red light the NFL needed. Roger took over at a time when the inmates were literally running the assylum and the NFL stood for “Nothing But Felons League” not to mention the out of control Players Union Gang. Bryant Gumbels advice for Goodell was to find out where Taglibue kept Upshaws leash, well Goodell threw it out and bought whips ballgags and benwahballs for DeSmith folks. The players needed a disciplinarian to hold them accountable 50 Shades of Gray style so I call Goodell “Christian Red.” Here are just a few examples of Roger Goodells outreaches and there effects on NFL players and fans:

-Play60- by any meausre a absolute homerun. Kids across the nation are too busy having a catch and getting abducted in a field by Mario Williams to sit around the house getting fat anymore. In probably the best in-game tie-in of them all, TB Coach and noted RoadGrader Greg Schiano has his team literally playing through the “e” in whistle and excercising the full 60 mins

-Heads-Up Footabll- Since the players are too dumb to not literally kill themselves when trying to make a form tackle Goodell had to show them how its done and its been a resounding success. Concussions are down alot of percent, teams are having more fun, its no suprise the only guy that doesnt seem to grasp the HeadsUp concept is Bryant McKinney.

-Breast Cancer Awareness- You have to “go with what you know” and in this case the NFL knows what Girl NFL fans want to see: players wearing colors that girls like to wear. You talk about raising awareness, Most women I know had never even heard of breast cancer until I started yelling about all the Gay pink stuff on the field so it gave me a chance to educate the table next to me at WingStop. Soooo funny how chicks are always complaining about Big Ben and all the other sexual predators in the NFL when Breast Cancer is almost twice as harmful to the average woman Statisticly.

-Punt Pass and Kick- Even though it sounds more like Doug Fluties resume, the PPK competition is a great way for youngsters to learn the game of football w/out having to worry about some hotshot CB stealing the phone out of your practice bag while your staying late to build rappore with your QB.

Here are some suggested outreaches I have for the NFL to take on

-Prostate Cancer Awareness- Brown towels brown everything, be creative here and let the Gay player be your spokesperson to make sure he feels included and accepted

-Pad-Level Running Football- like HeadsUp Football but for the offense. Youngsters need to know that if you run like your going to get hurt your going to get hurt. The “Crown Rule” isnt just PNut Tillmans offset language to keep his wife out of the maternity ward during the season folks.

-Back-Up QB month- like Movember for neckbeards just have some fun with it.

-Kicking all the players out of the NFL Outreach- Im on record the only way Goodel can save the league he loves is to destroy it IMO. He needs to kick everyone out and only let them back in if they sign a waiver saying that concussions are there own responsibility I dont think thats unreasonable and would protect the League from future Classless Action Lawsuits.

Around The Web