White History Month: The 2014 All-Grit Team

07.31.14 3 years ago 31 Comments


Well fokls, White History Month has come to a end and I had such a great time reliving some of the proudest traditons of White NFL Heritage with fans of ALL races. Last year we ended it with a creaton of a alltime great White NFL player named the “scrap heap” but this year were going to do a all american team of all americans fokls. May I present to you the “2014 All Grit Team”

QB: Ryan Fitzpatrick- He went to Harvard. People forget that.

RB: Danny Woodhead- They call him “Wood” head because if you want to know how many year’s hes been in the NFL all you need to do is count the rings*

*-Technicaly hasnt won a Superbowl ring but its not for lack of effort

FB- Toby Gerhardt- Fitzy, Woodhead and Gerhardt form a three headed Cerebralus style heads-up dog thats literaly a wellmannered goldne retrever bringing its owner a lunchpail.

TE- The half of Jimmy Gram thats a TE not in a racist way

WR- Jordy Nelson- Usualy when you talk about a NFL player getting Goose Bumps, its a member of the 2000 Raven’s team who shared a towel with Tony Sirgusa- but Nelson absolutley refuses to wear long sleeves in the freezing temperatures as a homage to the great white cultrual tradition of pretending to be tougher then you are.

WR2- Julidanwes Welkermandola- Dont ajust your computer. This isnt the name of Kanye Wests most recent kid although its hard 2 keep track these days. (North? Blue Ivy? Whens this guy going to put away his Johnny Appleseed?) I had to combine all three of the thinkingmans triplettes into one super wide recever. Edelman, Amendola, and Welker are the Ivy League of the NFL folks. And for all the grief that Belichick gets it was just as classy a move as you can imagine when he sent Welker out to Denver,, before Welker, the only “Mile High Salute” was Dumbarious Thomas coughing and offering you a hit of shake.

OLinemen- Give me 4 Danny Watkinses and 1 Richie Incognito – Dannys a firefighter and thats literaly all you need to know about him. Funny how you dont see the NFL media fawning all over him are castgating Tony Dungy for not drafting him just because he slides down a pole in his free time. If you had a Oline filled with Dan Watkinses theyd all have each others backs and youd be a idiot to run any play except the hook and ladder all day. Your going to want a Richie Incognito on there to just to keep things loose in the lockeroom.

Defense of Linemen- Just let Jered Allen and JJ Watt round up a posse. Probably the worst ofseason move was when the Vikes let Allen strut out the door as there building the new stadium. A report came out saying that Eagles were flying into the side of the building and killing themselfs at record paces (no offense to Andre Waters), which could of been avoided by giving Jared a cooler of Bud Heavys and a shotgun and just camping his ass out in the parking lot.

As for JJ Clot. The man has so much blood running down his face its like youd more expect him to play for the Red Wings, not to be vulgar.

Linebacker-Lunch Keuchly- This guys not just the QB of the defense folks,, hes the LB of the offense of the defense. Id call the guy a turnover machine but machines break down.

LB2- Brian Cushing- Is there a better story in the NFL then Brian Cushing battling back from lying about pretending to have cancer so he could get a way with taking steroids? Didnt think so.


Safety- Tom Zibikowski- he was a boxer people forget that and he went to Notre Dame I would call him Rudy. Every team needs a Rudy thats football 101. Plus hes a Catholic so if there was like a Jerry Sandusky situaton on the team he would make sure that it got reported within at leased the first 10 years of it happening. Cant be to careful.

Kickers: Who cares we dont kick on my team. The World Cup was last year.

Head Coach: Zibikowski, Cushing, Keuchly, Allen, Watt, Watkins, Incognito, Graham, Welkermendola, Nelson, Gerhardt, Woodhead, and Fitzpatricks Dads are all the head coach. Bunch of coaches sons out there.

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