Brah, thanks for teaching me to be a badass.
You totally don’t even know how much people give me stress for losing my starting job. I don’t why they can’t let me be a chill brah and handle my biz and mack some 17-year-olds. I gotta be the best brah at everything now?
It’s like John Mayer says, brah, “live and let live,” y’know, brah?
When you told me at the Super Bowl that everyone thinks I’m a bitch, that hit right here, brah. [Pounds fist on his chest] From now on, when, like, people laugh at me for being the number two QB behind some old religious brah, that’s when I’m gonna MMA them in the face.
Yo, brah, I just realized something. Now because I’m a badass, I can rock all the Tapout and Affliction shirts. Brah! That, like, broadcasts that I’m a badass brah. Pussymagnet city! I bet even Gina Carano will let me hit it. Or her 17-year-old sister, if she has one.
You are the wisest brah I know, Jay Glazer. Even wiser than McConaughey. I’m so glad you decided to drop this knowledge on a brah. I mean, not only are you a kickass reporter, but get poon even when you obviously don’t care about your looks and get to kick it with Strahan, who seems like an okay brah himself. One day, when I totally let myself go, I hope to be just like you, brah.
So now that our brahmance has bloomed, can I stop doing push-ups?