You Are Causing Us All Great Herm

09.30.10 7 years ago 65 Comments

Anyone who watches NFL Live on ESPN deserves every bit of the wanton retardery they get in return, whether it’s the unremitting Merril Hoge “factor back gutting it out for the football gods” talk or the fact that the show would confront something like Dez Bryant having to foot a huge restaurant tab for his teammates and pretend like it’s not a situation that happens to rookies in the league every single year.

The show’s been around long enough that you know generally what you’re in for, which is to say the usual screaming fatuousness that typifies all tWWL programming. But oh man, this new “Herminator” segment is a derp of a different color.

When I watch this, I feel like I’m looking at a scene taken out of a movie or skit show that is trying to satirize sports culture but is made by people with only the most faint understanding of how that world actually is. Or simply wants to paint it in a disparaging light using the broadest of strokes. Were it actually that, I would likely cringe and think to myself, “Hey now, SNL-type show, yeah, I know TV football talking head shows are plenty stupid, but c’mon… that’s just a teensy bit over the top, don’t you think? We’re not that dumb.”

And we’re actually not that dumb. Honest. And even though the vast majority of fans would agree this is incredibly lame and not worthy of anyone’s time, it still exists. A guy who was an NFL head coach – albeit a shitty, clueless one – as recently as 2008 is now doing a regular segment on a football TV show where he dresses in the super f*cking cliched garb from a movie that came out two decades ago and tries to pass it off as clever shtick.

I won’t watch NFL Live like I always don’t watch NFL Live. But I know some humorless asshole ranting about how sports are a waste and only for idiots can point to this and say it is a real, for-serious (okay, for-semi-serious) part of the landscape of the stupid, mindless thing you love in spite of your best interests. It would be an unfair knock, sure, but it’s true. And that sucks.

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