Culture

President Obama Tried And Failed To Do The Splits With The Final Five

In a move that blatantly disregards our unspoken agreement to never think about the Olympics when they aren’t taking place, President Barack Obama welcomed a slew of U.S. Olympians to the White House on Thursday, including the gold-medal-winning women’s U.S. gymnastics team.

And since Obama is a funny guy, he attempted to get into the splits with the team in front of the White House photographer. At least, that’s what the caption says. Really, Obama slightly bent at the knees and said, “Caption the photo so it says I tried to do the splits.” He’s barely lunging but whatever. How can we ever trust him again?

The White House welcomed Paralympians as well, although there were some big-name absences at the event.

This is the last group of Olympians the Obamas will host at the White House, as the president noted in his speech to the group.

Among the athletes were Simone Biles, Michael Phelps and Aly Raisman. Gabby Douglas, who underwent surgery to remove her wisdom teeth earlier this week, did not attend. Swimmer Ryan Lochte was banned from the event.

First, could Douglas not have had her wisdom teeth yanked at literally any other time? I get not wanting to make a public appearance when your jaw is all swollen but you skipped a White House visit. Get it done a week earlier or a week later.

Second, Lochte being banned from the White House is great. I like to think he didn’t know he was banned and tried to attend anyway, only he was standing alone outside Monticello wondering where everyone was.

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Third, yeah, the Obamas can’t host Olympians at the White House ever again, but why not at their house? You’re telling me if they invited gold-medal winners to their private residence, they wouldn’t come? Spring for some catering, get a bouncy house in your backyard and create some viral content when the gymnasts go wild in that thing.

Then again, what if Michelle runs and wins? That would mean four to eight more years of the Obamas pretending to do splits in front of White House photographers.

I feel like I’ve kind of lost the point of this story. American Olympians and Paralympians were at the White House. They had fun. Thanks for reading.

(People)

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